The Kofoed's

Four years.

2011-01-12T09:40:00.000-06:00

Four years ago, it's hard to believe.
My mom lived her life to fullest, even as she spent her final days with us... I am so grateful to have save these messages from her!

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.

2010-12-30T09:24:00.004-06:00

Yesterday we closed the door on a chapter of our lives.

I sat with my dad in the dark and empty room on Paradise, holding back sobs while tears streamed down both of our faces.

It was a room filled with the hope and dreams of a retired couple who were looking to spend some quality time building cherished memories.

A room filled with the laughter and joy of three tiny munchkins having tea parties and sharing their latest collected rocks with their Nana.

A room engulfed in courage, honor and respect. Overflowing with love and tenderness.

A room that held the final moments of a wife, mother, grandmother.

A friend, a confidant, a mentor… A hero.

The final moments of a family’s earthly togetherness.

Of a little boy holding his Nana’s only hand as she took her final breath.

A room filled with broken dreams and heart ache.

A room filled with hopelessness and fear.

A room filled with emptiness.

As I sat with my dad in the dark and empty room on Paradise, we spoke about the woman we missed so much.

About how nearly four years have passed since we last touched her soft skin and heard her sweet voice.

My dad stood and extended his hand to me.

Filled with courage he urged me to leave. He told me that the longer we stayed, the harder it would be. He promised me that a new chapter of our lives was opening. That walking away from their Paradise was like closing a painful chapter in all of our lives.

As we held hands and walked down the hall and away from the dark and empty room, I felt empty.

And as we drove away I felt as if I had lost my beautiful mother all over again.

Yesterday, Chris took me to close on my parent’s empty Paradise home. As we finished up the paperwork, the final passings on of the home, the new owners arrived to complete their transaction. Our realtor encouraged me to meet them so that I could have that final closure.

They were wonderful, kind people who were excited and happy to be moving in. They promised me that they would take care of my mom’s home and respect and honor it and I hoped that their hopes and dreams would be fulfilled in that home.

As we left the title company, my tears began to dry and a sense of closure began to overwhelm me.

This morning I have hope. A new door is opening… a new chapter in our lives.

Mom, we love so so very much. We are not moving on because we have forgotten you. We are moving on in honor of you. It is time for all of us to truly begin to live again. We can hardly wait to feel your spirit in the gentle mountain breezes and on the snowflakes melting as they land on our noses. We can hardly wait to hear your voice in the babbling of streams and the fluttering of hummingbird wings. We look forward to living each moment to the fullest and enjoying every moment that we have together.

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens.

13131

2010-12-30T08:09:00.002-06:00

When I was growing up, my favorite number was always Lucky 13! Imagine my surprise when my favorite house in Colorado’s addresses was 13131!!! What could be better than living in a home with TWO 13’s in the address… I sure hope that everything work outs with it and that our house buying trip is quick and painless!

Dear Santa,

2010-12-15T17:38:00.000-06:00

Written by Lilly at school this week.

Dear Santa,

Can you please get me and Ginger some winter cloths? I made you a present it is on my tree. I want a house. But I also kind of don't because I will miss my friends and teachers. And the most important thing that I want to get is to spend time with my family.

From,

Lilly

WINNER, WINNER, WINNER!!!

2010-12-14T10:22:00.000-06:00

I could quite possibly be the proudest Mama around!

First of all, I have three gorgeous, sweet, kind and ABSOLUTELY amazing kids. They never cease to amaze me and while I am always proud of them... last week was a stellar week for my little Kofoeds.

Lilliana participated in the Storytelling UIL (University Interscholastic League) competition. She is very shy when she has to talk to adults but being the amazing young girl that she is, she stood before a judge, in a town an hour and a half away and retold a story that was read to her. Although she was nervous and was at a disadvantage because she was the very last student to retell the story, she did fantastic! I had a great time travelling with her team and spending the day with her!

Last week was also the school wide science fair. Remember that my kids attend a school with an emphasis is science, math and engineering so the competition is always stiff! On Thursday we found out that Cody had made it through the first round of elimination and on Friday we learned that Damian had also made it through to the next round. On Saturday, the boys dressed up... fixed their hair and headed to the school for a morning of judging.

We were finally able to talk to the boys around 12:45 and learned that while Cody felt that he did "awesome," Damian felt that he didn't get as much attention from the judges as other students did and was confident that he had not placed at all.

An hour later, we were sitting in the award ceremony (listening to Kimberly, our friend and neighbor, sing the national anthem).

Shortly after, the special awards were given. Cody was given a special award from ACME Robotics for his science fair project.

Chris and I were thrilled that at least one of our boys was received an award. They went through the elementary school category awards (3 categories and 3 places in each). No award for Cody, but we were still stoked that he had been recognized for his hard work!

Next up were the middle school awards. Physical science 3rd place, 2nd place, 1st place....... DAMIAN KOFOED!!!!!!!

He was SO shocked that he just sat there! I had to give him a little shove before he got up and walked onto the stage to receive his award, and then Chris had to give ME a little shove so that I could get pictures! We were so proud and it WAS a total shock as Damian had really felt that he wasn't placing!

The last three awards were for the grand champions of high school, middle school and elementary school... for the projects that were the best projects overall in each "school." Grand champion for elementary school- CODY KOFOED!!!

Seriously, one of the proudest parenting weeks so far!

The boys with their principals.

Happy Halloween and updates too!

2010-11-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

Trick-Or-Treating was a blast, as always, in the Bluffs!

I was reminded last night that it was our last one together! So many families moving on this year! We're all excited for the next great adventures but we are sure going to miss the SUPER fun Halloweens in San Antonio!

Next year, the kids will be trick-or-treating all bundled up! I can hardly wait!

Cody, as Freddie!

Lilly, our Zombie Princess

Ninja Damian!

We've been busy cleaning out the house, getting rid of "stuff" that we no longer need...

Packing.

Trying to sell Papa's house.

Cody had his port removed about two weeks ago.

Things went well!

Nothing new or interesting here, I guess that is a good thing!

A much needed update!

2010-09-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

After Cody’s bout with aseptic meningitis, I wasn’t in the mood to blog about anything! My nerves were shot, my emotions raw…

Cody’s been very ill before but this was different, and it was scary.

After weeks of discussions with the doctors and several more weeks of fighting with insurance, Cody was finally approved for Hizentra, the newest brand of SCIG! Yesterday was our fourth week on it and we couldn’t happier! Cody spends about 2.5 hours a week receiving his immune globulin infusion- AT HOME, often times running around outside and enjoying life just as he normally would. We went from three entire days a month on 7,000ml of fluids, pre meds, infusion at the hospital, post meds (tons and TONS of post meds) to one 2.5 infusion a week…. With no need for even Tylenol or benadryl!!! In the matter of a month, Cody’s life has once again been changed for the better! A new lease on life for my precious middle child! Tomorrow we go in for our monthly check up and blood work where Cody will request to have his doctor allow him to get his port removed!!!!!! :O)

The kids are doing really well! Enjoying school and excited about our big move!

…WAIT…

I forgot that I have been absent from the blog for a LONG time now! Yes, we are MOVING and couldn’t be happier! Chris is transferring to the Boulder, Colorado office of his company! It’s a big step up for him career wise and an awesome for us family wise! Chris has a sister and a niece in the Colorado area and I have many cousins, aunts and uncles there as well, not to mention some great friends too! We’ll be closer to New Mexico so we’ll be able to spend more time with Chris’s sister, brother-in-law and his mom and of course we’ll be much closer to my brother and his family! It’s going to be better for the kids and I too… this humidity and never-ending allergy season is wearing us all down! We are looking forward to fishing, hiking, camping… enjoying FOUR seasons and the mountains!

That’s our big news! What else is there to talk about?!?!? Ha ha

2010-08-15T08:28:00.002-05:00

If it had been Christians who bombed the World Trade Center, would there be any issues with building a church near by?

It was terrorists who bombed the World Trade Center.

It is so sad that after all this time, people are still lumping terrorists and Muslims together.

Some of the greatest people that I know are of the Muslim faith.

I am so grateful that my children are growing up in a multi cultural school where they see, first hand, how wonderful the world is.

According to the First Amendment of our Constitution, freedom of religion is a guaranteed right in this country.

And thus, it is my belief that Muslim's have the right to practice their religion wherever they chose to, including the private property in Manhattan, near Ground Zero.

Cody, with one of his amazing teachers!

Homesick & Questions...

2010-07-20T15:03:00.000-05:00

Lilly Bean is homesick.

She's making my heart break.

When I talk to her I can hear her voice cracking.

When we Skype, I see her tears.

I miss her,

She misses her mommy.

So last night I put together a care package and Chris shipped it out this morning.

I hope that perks her up!

Damian is having a blast!

He loves his uncle so much and enjoys spending time with his and his cousin!

He is such a sweet young man and I love talking to him!

It's great to hear his explanations and stories!

They have been a busy while in New Mexico! Playing with their cousin, going to museums, riding the tram and rockclimbing!

I miss my kiddos and cannot wait until they come home.

Next Monday seems like a long time still!

In the mean time, I am questioning everything that I have done for Cody.

I know that the IVIG has kept him healthy, boosted his bodies weakened immune system...

kept him alive.

But now I find my self questioning IVIG.

Ig is what he needs, for sure! He cannot survive and live a quality life without it.

But are we potentially causing him harm by doing IVIG vs. SCIG?

The more I research things, the more I wonder.

I feel like the world is resting it's girth on my shoulders today.

My sweet little boy is back at square one today with severe neck pain, stomach problems and fever.

He isn't drinking and is refusing to eat.

He has no color in his cheeks.

His eyes are gray.

He's snuggled up in my bed.

Tired.

Frustrated.

Defeated.

I am overwhelmed.

I have to figure something out. Please, PLEASE give me the strength and the courage to make decisions for Cody and trust in what I decide.

Oddly quiet!

2010-07-19T09:06:00.000-05:00

My house is rarely quiet!

There is always something going on!

We usually have extra kids hanging out, playing and laughing.

But this morning, all I hear is the rumble of Maggie the Bloodhound's belly and the TV in the background.

Papa, Damian and Lilly are in New Mexico, visiting Uncle Gavin, Aunt Katelyn and Brooklyn.

Chris is at work.

Cody is sleeping.

It's oddly quiet!

10 years and 11 days!

2010-07-18T14:10:00.001-05:00

DOUBLE DIGITS!

Today, Cody turns the big

1-0

That's right ladies and gentlemen...

My handsome man, with the amazing green eyes and blonde hair-

the one with straight A's and an amazing passion for life is celebrating his 10th birthday!

He's enjoying his mature presents, like the radio control helicopter and his first cell phone while loving his video games and Legos too!

We're on day 11 of treatment/post treatment aseptic meningitis.

7 out of the last 11 days have been spent on IV's.

He's been so sick and this has honestly been a very draining, frightening, concerning week for us.

Tonight is the last dose of solu-medrol and I am happy to say that I am finally beginning to see some improvement.

Today he can sit on the couch and play for a while without being in excruciating pain. He is able to hold down a little bit of food and he has some color back in his skin.

I cannot begin to explain the vast emotions that one feels when they have an extra special child like Cody!

He and I have a bond far above and beyond a typical mother/son relationship... we work hard every single day to maintain his health and well-being, to keep him happy, healthy and alive.

He is the most courageous ten year old you could ever meet and I am so very honored to be his mom.

Ten years ago, I gave birth to a 5lb. 3oz. 18" long, bald, beautiful little bundle of joy. He has given me the ultimate gift- 10 years of love, excitement and adventure! He has taught me so many lessons over the years... I am a far better, kinder, more compassionate person because of my sweet little boy.

Thank you for the past ten years! I cannot wait to see what the next decade has in store for us!

Aseptic Meningitis

2010-07-13T13:54:00.000-05:00

As Cody's mom, meningitis has been one of my biggest fears, it's safe to say that I have had nightmares about it!

The doctors have warned of the serious complications that can come along with meningitis and being immune deficient.

First it was stomach pains, then a sore throat, aches and pains... which I shrugged off as a typical bug.

Next it was a severe headache and neck pain.

When his fever began to rise, I started getting nervous and called Chris to tell him that I was going to call the doctor and asked him to come home so that he could sit with Cody while I ran to the store to get him some Gatorade.

But by the time Chris got here, Cody had begun vomiting violently.

He called our wonderful infusion nurse who told us to get in the car and come right over.

After reviewing Cody's symptoms and lab work, Dr. A. told me that Cody indeed was being diagnosed with one of my biggest fears- Meningitis.

Thankfully, Cody has Aseptic Meningitis, the most mild form of meningitis.

He's been back on IV fluids and medications (for pain and nausea) for about 24 hours now and we'll stay on everything for at least another 24 hours. The pain and nausea has settled some but he's still feeling pretty punk.

Thankfully, my little guy is at home, snuggling with me and recovering from our first experience with meningitis.

For my IVIG friends, aseptic meningitis is actually "common" in IVIG patients, post infusion, especially if you tend to have have migraines. I found some interesting articles if you want me to pass them on.

Galveston!

2010-07-13T13:32:00.001-05:00

The water was so warm and the kids were in heaven!

Life doesn't get much better than splashing in the waves, playing in the sand and walking along the beach, collecting shells.

The perfect ending to the perfect day!

Space Nerds!

2010-07-13T13:22:00.001-05:00

We spent the weekend in Houston! It was SO much fun!

Lots and LOTS of time was spent at Space Center Houston!

Seeing as how we have our very own "Rocket Scientist," we are all a little addicted to nerdy space stuff!

We had a great time touring Johnson Space Center! We got see the world's largest astronaut training facility

And Rocket Park.

Including the largest rocket ever made, the Saturn Rocket!

It'a HUGE!

And Mission Control!

We had a fabulous time and we look forward to going back again in the near future!

2010-06-15T12:17:00.001-05:00

The kids are busy collecting snails, caterpillars, butterflies and toads.

(and watching our friendly orb weaver who has made her home in the front yard shrubs)

They've been playing with friends and having TONS of sleep overs!

Damian has recovered from summer camp (which was AWESOME) and has said goodbye to his good friend, Harrison, who is moving to Georgia (not so awesome).

Cody and Lilly have been swimming a lot and crafting up a storm!

And all three of them have been hard at work on their summer homework and are enjoying their new gaming system!

I cannot believe that the kids are three weeks into summer vacation all ready! We better get a move on the fun!

Tomorrow I think we'll head to the zoo!

Choices.

2010-06-08T12:01:00.003-05:00

As a parent, I try to make the best choices for my children, every single day. Whether those choices are about the clothes that they wear, the food that they eat, the home that they live in, the friends that they have, the healthcare they receive or the education the receive.

What is the best choice for me, and my family may not be the same for the next person but I respect each of them for their choices and decisions and hope that the same respect is shown for me.

We moved to San Antonio, Texas nearly six years ago from the small town of Los Alamos, New Mexico. Growing up in Los Alamos; attending one of the top rated public school systems in the country and being a member of such a science based, well rounded, multi-faith and cultural community taught me to be a well rounded, excepting, kind human being. It was extremely challenging for me to move from a small, intimate community to the seventh largest city in our nation but I set out to make the best choices for my children in our new home. We searched for the right community that was family oriented and safe, and where we felt comfortable with the elementary school. Next we looked for wonderful healthcare professionals and found the best care for all our children and in particular, our son who has health issues.

Over the course of the next few years our children received an adequate education. They enjoyed school and were at or above grade level, but something was holding them back. My husband and I could see that their true potential was still waiting to be explored. We had many small issues with the school and felt that our child’s medical issues were not dealt with in a manner that we completely agreed with. We often talked about private school or even homeschooling and over the course of a year; I educated myself about the best schooling for our three children. It was not something that my husband and I took lightly as our children’s educational foundation was hanging in the balance. When it came down to decision time there was only one place for my children, Harmony Science Academy, San Antonio.

The 2009-2010 school year was our first experience in Harmony Science Academy. From the very first day of school, I knew that our children were in the right school. Everyone, from the teachers to the nurse, to school administration listened to my concerns about my son and his medical needs. They went above and beyond their requirements to help him feel comfortable with his situation and went out of their way to make sure that he would not fall behind when he was out of school for medical care, some of whom went as far to bring work to our home and tutor him from there.

My children fit right into the school and their educational experiences have been the best that they have ever had! Their grades improved, they worked harder, enjoyed learning more and became better rounded students. They joined after school clubs (science club, robotics, ping pong, chess and cheerleading to name a few). Their love for math and science blossomed and they soon wanted to spend their weekends doing experiments at home or watching their dad build satellites at his work. Education went from a must do to an everyday, enjoyable part of life. They are now little sponges, taking everything in and learning so much more than they ever did in the past.

From having little focus on science in the elementary public school system, where there were no added projects or events outside the classroom; to making science, mathematics, engineering and technology focuses at Harmony Science Academy, where every student participates in science fairs as well as the opportunity to participate in robotic teams and Science Olympiad, Harmony Science Academy was a welcome change.
All three of my children have received honor roll awards as well as citizenship awards. My sixth grader placed 4th in the school science fair and received his first college scholarship from the University of Incarnate Word for his participation in the regional science fair. Additionally, he and his teammate placed first in the Battery Buggy competition at the Science Olympiad regional competition and went onto compete in College Station at the state Science Olympiad competition in ornithology, battery buggy and shock value events. My first grader participated in her first science fair and placed 2nd in her grade! None of this would have been possible for them if they would have attended traditional public schools.

In addition, my children (who will be going into 2nd grade, 5th grade and 7th grade this fall) are a part of a small, close nit group of students, k-12. It is such an intimate educational experience where the younger children are mentored by the older children who set wonderful examples of character. There is little to no bullying or fighting, and when there is, conflict it is promptly resolved. The students are shown a great deal of respect and in turn they are very respectful of the school that they attend.

While the public school system is very diverse, at Harmony Science Academy, the school embraces cultural and social diversity. The school truly is a “melting pot” of families from around the world; educating students from different social, economical and cultural backgrounds. My children are friends with children from all walks of life! It is a wonderful experience to see children overlook poverty and riches, colors of skin, differences in dress and religion and come together as one.

I am so grateful that there is an alternative to the traditional public school system and while Harmony Science Academy may not be right for everyone, I am happy to say that my husband and I made the best choice for our family, for our children and for their future.

My big man...

2010-05-18T22:16:00.000-05:00

It's so hard to believe that next week Damian will be finished with 6th grade!

He is so handsome.

Kind.

Mature.

Energetic.

Respectful.

Intuitive.

Courteous.

Thoughtful.

Intelligent.

Amazing.

He is a wonderful friend, brother and son!

Chris and I are so proud of him.

Mother's Day.

2010-05-10T13:45:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful day yesterday!

Chris and the kids bought me a new mountain bike and it rocks!

I can hardly wait to get everyone out on a ride!

We went out to my dad's house!

He fixed an awesome lunch: steak, baked potatoes, salad and cake!

YUMMY!

We worked in his yard, trimmed some trees and an oleander.

Feed the deer, saw this beautiful little caterpillar... who will one day become a graceful Monarch, watched an awesome show on the Icelandic volcano...

remembered my mom,

and headed home.

It was the perfect kind of day!

BMX'ing

2010-05-10T13:23:00.001-05:00

This dude is getting kind of crazy! He comes in everyday with scrapes, bangs and bruises...

Sore, but happy!

He is a blast! Fearless and fun!

Ready to take his BMX'ing to the next level!

AND...

become pro!

(ha ha ha)

Science Fair Winner!

2010-05-10T13:14:00.001-05:00

Lilliana participated in her first science fair last week!

Can Different Types of Soil Effect Tomato Plant Growth?

She worked very hard and took notes, even when she was recovering from her tonsillectomy.

And her hard work paid off!

She placed 2nd in her grade!

We are soooo proud of our little Lilly!

Cerro Grande Memories

2010-05-10T12:26:00.002-05:00

On May Day, 2000, Chris and I closed on our first home! We were thrilled with our little quad! It had so much charm!
Since I was six months pregnant and chasing a toddler around, Chris’s family and our best friend Gabe helped us move in. We had wonderful time settling in and everything seemed to be falling into place!
That weekend, we decided to plant some grass seed and put up fencing in the yard. Gabe, Gavin, Chris and my dad installed fencing while my mom and I played with Damian and chatted about how best to decorate my new home. Later in the afternoon, I noticed a plume of smoke building over the mountain. While we knew that there was a controlled burn going, we were certain that this did NOT look controlled. My mom and I went into the house and turn the TV on.
BREAKING NEWS
Helicopter news crews were filming a massive plume of smoke. The previously controlled had become erratic as the winds picked up.

As the afternoon went on, the plume of smoke grew larger and larger.

The view from our home, Sunday, May 7th

May 7th: By Sunday evening, Damian had developed a bad cough so Chris and I decided that it would be best for us to head down to my parents house.
May 8th: Chris and I both went on with our days at work. Since we worked in the hospital and our offices were right next door to each other, we kept in constant contact. Luckily, Los Alamos National Lab closed that day so both of my parents were home with Damian. The smoke grew heavy, but everyone was assuring us that things would be okay. They said that Los Alamos Canyon would act as a large fire break and hold the flames at bay. We went back to my parents house that evening. From their house, we had a perfect view. When the sun went down, the sky glowed an eerie opaque orange and no matter where you were, the thick smoke filled your lungs.

Water drop, near Los Alamos Canyon

May 9th: Everyone grew increasingly worried, there seemed to be so much tension in the air. We still had patients to treat though and work kept us busy during the day. That evening, Chris and I decided that we would stay at our home for the night while Damian stayed in White Rock. I remember cracking the window in the bathroom because it was so hot that night. While it was smoky, we slept fairly well… for a little while at least.

Smoke, looming over our home.

May 10th: Chris ad I were awakened by the sound of his on call pager going off at 3:30 in the morning. One of his oxygen patient’s was having concentrator issues and they had already (voluntarily) evacuated to a hotel in Pojoaque. He, of course, had to leave me and went to help his patient and many more who were also having oxygen issues as well. It was not until many hours later that I finally saw him at work. I could tell that he was upset when I saw him. Because of his position at the hospital, he was a member of a team that received the first word… Los Alamos was being evacuated, the fire had jumped Los Alamos Canyon. He told me to drop everything at work and get to Damian and my parents in White Rock. I had no clothes for Damian or I, our pets were at home and all of our belongings were being left behind, in our home that had only been ours for ten days. Chris assured me that he would go home and get everything that we needed. I cried all the way to my parents home… fearful for my husband who had to stay behind to help evacuate the hospital and heartbroken that I probably wouldn’t have a house in a few hours.

The view from my mom and dad's house.

That afternoon, we went back and forth… from my mom and dad’s front yard to the television. Occasionally I would hear from Chris. He and Gabe (who was a volunteer fire fighter), and some fire fighters were running to homes known to have oxygen tanks, trying to remove them so that they wouldn’t act as bombs while the fire fighters tried to fight the blaze. His reports become more and more grim as the fire progressed. He and other fire fighters, doctors and co workers watched from the ER deck as homes began to burn. The trees were crowning, going up like matches. His next report was that they had to leave the hospital and all fire fighters had been called off the front line. They staged in the Griffith Gymnasium parking lot.
By 10:00, the news reports were saying that the fire fighters had been pushed back as far as Fuller Lodge. I had no idea where my husband or Gabe were… had something happened to them, were they safe? By then, I had come to terms with the fact that my house was gone. Shortly before midnight, Chris and Gabe finally made it my parents house! I was so relieved to see Chris and know that he was safe. It didn’t matter that our home was probably gone or that we had probably lost our worldly goods, we had each other, and we had Damian and our yet-to-be-born Cody! I got Gabe and Chris settled in, said goodnight to my parents and sat up for a bit with Gavin. We decided that we would watch the last news conference of the night and then head to bed ourselves.
May 11th: Just after midnight, Gavin and I heard words that shocked and terrified us. They were concerned about the safety of the residents of White Rock and the evacuees (there is only one road out of town and it was in danger of being consumed by fire) and were immediately evacuating the town of White Rock. I immediately woke my parents up, they were shocked and heartbroken and quickly began a mad dash of gathering their most precious possessions and photographing the house. I woke Gabe and then Chris… he had been awake for 21 hours straight, working extremely hard and was emotionally and physically exhausted.
“Hey honey, they are evacuating White Rock NOW… Get up, we have to go!”
His repsonse, “Nicole, that’s not funny,” and then rolled over and went back to sleep.
I had to have Gabe come and tell Chris in order for him to finally realize that it was serious.
Chris, of course, could not come with me as he and Gabe had a responsibility to their patients. We packed as much as we could into our cars, tucked Damian into his car seat and said goodbye to Chris and Gabe. The usual 90 minute drive to Albuquerque took us nearly five hours that night. Just after dawn, Gavin, my parents, Damian and I checked into a hotel.
As day broke, we got our first aerial views of the fire… utter devastation. We were so exhausted, so heartbroken, drained… We stared at the television, trying to make out the photographs, looking for any signs of Chris and I’s home. My mom, who was coming down with pneumonia due to the smoke, stress and her weakened immune system, took me out for a while to try to get my mind off things.
When we returned to the hotel a few hours later, my dad came running! “I saw your house, it’s still standing!” He assured me that our home was still standing, unable to talk to Chris, who was helping to care for patients at Los Alamos Medical Center’s staging area, I was overcome with emotions.
Over the course of the next two weeks, we went from being evacuees in Albuquerque, to spending Mother’s Day at Cochiti Lake with Chris’s family, back to my parent’s home in White Rock and finally, to our own home in Los Alamos on May 26th. We were among the final group of home owners allowed back into there standing homes.

Just two days after the mass evacuation, Chris was allowed back into town for his job, the hospital is on the right.

Before our return home, Chris was able to return to Los Alamos for his work and fire fighters escorted him to our home. HUGE embers, the size of my fist, littered our home… any one of which could have lead to the end of our home. The window in our bathroom, which I had opened on our final night at home, showed evidence of water drops and slurry drops on our home, trying to save it from flames. The toilet paper roll in the bathroom was scorched from the heat… ash, smoke and other damage was present, but our home stood.
Many others were far less fortunate. Just one street up from our home, houses were gone.

My best friend Gina’s childhood home was nothing more than a pile of ashes. She and I cried together as we were allowed back onto her street, driving by and seeing her home… remembering the good times that we shared and the memories that were made in that home. Friends, neighbors, co-workers… over 400 families left without homes.

To this day, I can relive so many of those moments. It seems impossible that 10 years have passed. Our lives forever changed in those few short days… when something went terribly wrong with our little controlled burn.

The unknown.

2010-04-30T12:30:00.003-05:00

Is a scary place.

I know, I've been there.

I don't think, that until you have been there with a child, you can totally understand what it is like.

For years I knew that there was something wrong with Cody.

Something wasn't right.

And while doctors agreed, there wasn't that "smoking gun" that lead us to the culprit.

It was agonizing to know that that there was something wrong with him... and not have answers.

But I never gave up and after what seemed like an eternity-

Cody was diagnosed with primary hypogammaglobulinemia just one week after I lost my mom to multiple myeloma.

He was six and a half years old.

Six and a half years of unknowns... what ifs and endless possibilities.

Thank God for a wonderful doctor who was finally able to put the pieces together and give us answers, treatments and hope after years of waiting on answers and watching our child suffer.

My brother, Gavin, and his wife are currently going through their own "what ifs" and possibilities with their daughter. It's stressful and it's agonizing. Not knowing whether something is or is not wrong with their child is terrible and I feel for them.

It seems like all to often, we are left hanging onto those questions. I hope that they are able to find answers soon... I am so proud of them for advocating for my sweet little niece, for pushing for answers and not giving up on their "gut" instincts.

I love Jeeps..... NOT!

2010-04-28T12:23:00.002-05:00

Chris loves Jeeps.

He has since he was a little kid!

He used to have time to work on Jeeps.

Then we had kids.

Several years ago, he sold his baby (his rock crawling, mountain climbing, rolled and rebuilt blue CJ5).

Ever since then, he has had Jeep withdrawals.

So, about a year ago, he got rid of our perfectly practical Nissan Altima and bought an $800 "project" Jeep Cherokee.

This WONDERFUL ~~piece of junk~~ Jeep has barely gotten him to and from work.

His co-workers call it the ghetto car-

You don't even want to know what I call it!

He doesn't have time to work on it, he's always busy at work or helping at the school.

So yesterday I wasn't at all surprised when he called to tell me that his starter had gone out at the gas station.

I went over, picked him up and brought him home...

We got tools, changed clothes, bought parts and headed back to the gas station.

After a long while, we he finally got the starter replaced. I helped him clean up and we headed home.

Since it isn't often that we get to spend the day together, we took advantage of our time together and talked on the phone while we drove our cars home.

Out of no where, my totally chill, mellow husband exclaims:

"CRAP!!!!"

Thinking something else had broken, I asked what was wrong now.

His response:

"I paid cash for the gas this morning and forgot to pump it!!!!!"

HA HA HA

Poor guy, his Jeep was at the gas station for hours upon hours and he never did fill it up with the gas that he paid for.

So at the end of the day.... my husband had his perfectly crappy project Jeep,

At home, with a new starter but an empty tank.

I think even HE is getting tired of his project!

Splishin' and a Splashin' and IVIGin'

2010-04-22T11:30:00.005-05:00

Cody doesn't let much get him down!

Friday was IVIG infusion day.

He came home..
checked on his sister (who had just had her tonsils removed) and headed over to his school to watch a talent show.

The school that my children attend is a small K-12 school that is very close nit... therefore everyone knows and cares for everyone else. All the middle and high school age girls who were at the school for the talent show all crowded around Cody and gave him LOADS of attention!

I think he LOVED it!

ha ha ha

Drenched to the bone, toting his IV while giving his best Mary Poppins impression!

On Saturday, we had a major rain event! It poured ALL day long! The neighborhood kids were out in full force, jumping and splashing in the puddles. Cody threw on his IV pack and his shoes, and out the door he went! He joined right in, never giving his IV a thought!
He cracks me up, blows me away and completely amazes me every single day!
He never lets his immune system issues get him down or set him back!
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE him!

Isak, Kimberly, Aaron, Pat, Owen and Damian

Thanks for the pictures Cheryl! They are great!

Wishing my boys safe travels and good luck!

2010-04-22T11:03:00.000-05:00

(Damian, Adrian and Chris making some adjustments to their battery buggy)

Damian and Chris are heading to Texas A&M, along with the rest of their Science Olympiad Team this afternoon.

I am so excited for my boys!

I am wishing the LOADS of luck!

Turning Point.

2010-04-22T10:16:00.001-05:00

The turning point,

has got to be close.

We are at day #6 now...
And we were told that days 5-7 would be the worst.

Today I would agree.

The pain is very intense... Lilly is miserable.

She can feel the scabs beginning to pull away (gross, I know).
Hopefully the pain will ease when they are gone.

But until then,

We're snuggling and napping.
Sipping ~~hot~~ warm chocolate and eating pudding.

And waiting for a chance to go enjoy the beautiful flowers.

And play outside before summer arrives!

A visit from Flat Stanley...

2010-04-19T14:24:00.006-05:00

If you have kids, you know Flat Stanley!

That's right, the boy who was flattened in his sleep, by a falling bulletin board!
Of course Flat Stanley has made the best of his FLAT state and has had some great adventures,
like helping nab art thieves and sneaking into locker rooms!

Recently,
Flat Stanley came to visit us for a school project that our friend, Mikey, was working on!

We had a great time with him!

Lilly helped Flat Stanley get dressed in some awesome Texas garb!
We ate some tasty Tex-Mex and visited the Alamo.

We went to look at bluebonnets but poor Flat Stanley sneezed the whole trip! He was totally allergic to the nasty oak pollen!

Flat Stanley went to school with the kids and did something that not many kids get to do... he went to Turkish class with Cody and learned to speak a few words in Turkish! Hopefully he remembered to tell Mikey "Merhaba! Nasalsin?" when he got back to class!

(that means, "Hello! How are you?")

I just saw that he was recently visiting my friend, Tiffany, in Australia too! That Flat Stanley is a super-duper busy kid!

I hope that someday, you all get to spend a day or two with this oober awesome, totally flat kid!

Legacy.

2010-04-19T13:49:00.002-05:00

Nana taught us many lessons during her time on Earth and over the weekend, my precious Lilliana proved that Nana’s legacy lives on in her family!

Lilly has been in bed pretty much the entire time that she has been home from the hospital. She hasn’t felt well and has only wanted to lie in bed and cuddle with her mommy.

On Friday evening, a few hours after we got home from the hospital, we learned that our friend and neighbor had lost her mom after a long, courageous battle with cancer. I didn’t say anything to Lilly Friday evening but she overheard me talking about Miss Susan on Saturday so she knew that her mom, and her children’s “Nana,” had passed away.

Lilly- in her tiny, sore, delicate little voice said, “Mommy, can I please go give Miss Susan a hug?” I picked Lilly up and carried her to Miss Susan, who lives two doors down. Lilly wrapped her arms around Miss Susan and while no words were said, I know how much meaning was held in that embrace.

When Lilly finished hugging Miss Susan, we headed home. Wiped out from her little excursion, I cradled Lilly until she fell asleep, tears streaming down my face, pride overwhelming me…

My six year old little girl put her own pain aside and comforted a grown woman. No words can describe how proud and I honored I am of Lilly, or my boys. They are truly genuine, good hearted, amazing little souls who have been taught to be gracious, kind, empathetic, wonderful human beings… and I know that my mom is surely watching over them, honored to have grandchildren who are carrying on her legacy, one random act of kindness at a time.

Tonsillectomies and IVIG and rain, OH MY!

2010-04-18T09:46:00.000-05:00

It was a difficult week… the anticipation of Lilly’s surgery was slowly gaining speed throughout the week and by the time Thursday arrived her little nerves had had it. She cried and cried AND cried! We took a late night trip to the store, to pick out a new stuffy (so she had something to snuggle with in the OR) and we stopped at McDonald’s to get a Happy Meal so she could eat one more time.
We just knew that Friday morning was going to be horrible but to our most pleasant surprise, Lilliana woke in excellent spirits! She was all smiles and never, not one time, showed any fear or reluctance as the morning went on.
Chris and Papa dropped Damian off at school and headed to the hospital for Cody’s IVIG treatment (yes, IVIG day for Cody and a tonsillectomy for Lilly in one day)! Chris helped get Cody and Papa settled in at treatment, spoke with Dr. P. and after Cody’s first bottle of IVIG was hooked up, Chris headed to the opposite side of the hospital just in time to meet Lilly and I and head back to pre op. The three of us colored, chatted & giggled for a bit… and Lilly seemed fearless when they told us that it was time to say goodbye. We exchanged kisses and told her that we would be waiting for her in post op (and they did take us straight over to a parent waiting area inside the post op room, it was really nice to be right there).
The 30 minutes that the doctor had “allotted” came and went, 35 minutes, 40 minutes…
Just before the 45th minute, we heard our little precious little girl crying just as the ENT came and spoke with us. He said that Lilly’s tonsils “had been through the trenches,” that they looked terrible, were riddled with infection and that we were lucky that they had been removed before they caused any further damage. He went on to say that he adenoids were also extremely large and upon the removal of those, her sinuses began to drain so he did a few extra procedures; flushed out and drained her sinuses. He said that her recovery would be more difficult than most tonsillectomies due to the poor state of her tonsils when they were removed (not to mention the extra procedures they did).
It has been a really difficult few days for us and we watch Lilly go through this. Each day (we are only now beginning day 3) is getting worse for her… today she is in a lot of pain, is scared and tired of feeling bad. Unfortunately, the doctor said that it progressively worse for the first 5-7 days before beginning to improve.
On a bright note… We have been having some MUCH needed rain! It seems that my focus on Lilly allowed Cody (IV and all) to talk me into playing outside with his brother and neighborhood friends yesterday…. So the boys spent nearly the entire day outside; playing in the rain, splashing in puddles and having rainy day picnics with their friends.
The sun is shining today, looks like a beautiful Sunday here in San Antonio… Lilly and I are going to enjoy the day from my bed! We opened the blinds and are watching a squirrel run back and forth on the fence while the boys go to work with Chris for a bit.

Climbing sick.

2010-04-08T11:04:00.000-05:00

Cody and Lilly are both sick. Cody is fighting a deep seated sinus infection along with horrible allergies and Lilly has strep throat for the third time in seven weeks.

But little slows them down. Cody has been through soooo much in his life that a deep seated sinus infection and horrible allergies do little to drag him down. He is amazing!

And then there is poor little Lilly... she's been dealing with a lot of strep throat since she started kindergarten. Now she's 3/4 of the way through 1st grade and she has had strep throat six times since school started, three times in the last seven weeks. Thank goodness she will be getting her tonsils out a week from tomorrow.

Damian is not as into climbing as these two are.... He climbs occasionally but Cody and Lilly are on the "wall" every chance they get. I am not trying to brag BUT they are amazing! I cannot even begin to tell how awesome they are at climbing! They are tough, fearless and strong!

Willow City Loop

2010-04-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

My Dad and I spent a wonderful day together! We traveled Northwest, to Willow City and drove the scenic loop. The weather was terrible; gray, rainy, foggy... in fact it was so dark at 9:00 in the morning that it looked more like dusk than mid morning. We began to think that maybe we had picked the wrong day to go.

The further we went, the better the weather got. By the time we reached Willow City, the blue sky was beginning to peak through the clouds above. And then, we realized that we could not have picked a better day for our adventure. Around every corner and over every hill, the views got more and more beautiful!

Never, in my life, have I seen such an abundance of wildflowers. They were cascading down the hill sides, carpeting every inch of the ground.

Yellow, pink, white, blue, orange, purple and every shade in between! The colors were so vivid!

Since Lilly has strep throat again, she was able to go with us. It's so wonderful to listen to my six year old talk about, and appreciate, the beauty that surrounded her. She and Papa had discussions about the bluebonnets and how they are built specifically for bees... It was so awesome!

So the three of us had a wonderful, fantastic, educational, perfect day together.

The photographs are pretty but until you have been there, in the ocean of wildflowers, you just don't truly understand and appreciate the beauty surrounding you.

The sounds of the tree rustling in the wind, the birds singing, the streams dancing along, the frogs croaking...

surrounded by beauty-

I felt so alive and so at peace with the world.

Seriously, one of the most perfect days that I have ever spent in Texas!

Quietly Blogging.

2010-04-05T12:04:00.001-05:00

I have a lot to say about my mom but it isn't always easy to talk to my kids about her... because I do, sometimes cry and I do not want them to think that it makes me sad to talk about her.
I want them to listen to these stories and really know and understand the woman that she was. She was simply amazing and I just have to keep her memory alive.
I feel silly always writing about her on this blog, so I began another blog, that you can read here if you so choose to.

Springtime in Texas

2010-04-05T11:10:00.001-05:00

Springtime in the Hill Country is the best!

The weather is PERFECT!

And the flowers are beautiful!

Ladybird Johnson would be proud this year.

It is times like this, when Texas is at its most beautiful, that I am honored to live here.

Generation after generation of flower lovers in my family has led us to three little Kofoed's

who are constantly pointing out beautiful patches of wildflowers.

My mom would be so proud.

I wish that she were here to enjoy this spring and her grandkids.

And-
I wish that Mother Nature could ask springtime to hang on for a little while longer.

But we will enjoy every moment of it, while spring is here.

Easter!

2010-04-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

We had such a nice Easter weekend! On Friday we spent the day with family, visiting the Witte Museum and the Riverwalk. Damian, Cody and Lilly all had a blast playing with Jaz and Alex and the rest of the Trujillo family! It was nice to have them here and I know that Damian really appreciated it!

Chocolate was the "word of the day" on Saturday! Damian, Chris and I spent a good portion of the day selling chocolate for the Science Olympiad team... only a few more weeks until we head to state... then it was home to spend some time with Cody and Lilly, chillin' out on the couch and watching a movie or two!

Had a wonderful Easter! An Egg hunt with the Trujillo's and then off to Papa's house for a relaxing afternoon at the lake! Papa cooked a wonderful lunch- Nana would have been proud!

Wildflowers and Emily Dickinson

2010-04-01T22:24:00.000-05:00

NATURE, the gentlest mother,

Impatient of no child,

The feeblest or the waywardest,—

Her admonition mild

In forest and the hill

By traveller is heard,

Restraining rampant squirrel

Or too impetuous bird.

How fair her conversation,

A summer afternoon,—

Her household, her assembly;

And when the sun goes down

Her voice among the aisles

Incites the timid prayer

Of the minutest cricket,

The most unworthy flower.

When all the children sleep

She turns as long away

As will suffice to light her lamps;

Then, bending from the sky,

With infinite affection

And infiniter care,

Her golden finger on her lip,

Wills silence everywhere.

Emily Dickinson

Seriously?

2010-03-29T18:10:00.007-05:00

A week ago I cried tears of joy and relief.

Healthcare reform had passed and the pre-existing “issues” were out the door.

Cody would continue to be insured, no matter what, regardless of his primary hypogammablogulinemia.

HUGE sigh!!!

Then today, while reading the Denver Post, I came across this article (That you can red by clicking here) , "Insurers See Law Differently on Coverage for Kids with Pre-existing Conditions."

Simply appalling.

I cannot believe how money hungry, insensitive and heartless these insurance companies can be.

Unfortunately, I am not surprised that only a week into healthcare reform, those slimy bastards are bending and shaping the law to deny CHILDREN coverage.

Our children, the future of our country, being denied coverage.

A nine year old little boy; brilliant, joyful, empathetic, full of life… could be denied insurance coverage because his immune system doesn’t work quite right.

Tens of thousands of children, in similar situations as Cody…
families worrying about their children’s healthcare coverage because insurance companies care more about profit than the well-being of these little angels.

Sickening.

Whether you agree with healthcare reform or not, you have to admit that the denial of healthcare coverage to children is sickening.

See you later....

2010-03-22T11:17:00.000-05:00

~~alligator~~ spring break!
It was fun while it lasted.
No alarm clocks...
Late night movies and games...
Snuggling under the covers as long as we wanted!
A little time to catch up with friends!
A trip (or two) to the zoo.
It was relaxing, rejuvenating and oh so needed!

Just another Friday at Dr. P's

2010-03-19T11:07:00.001-05:00

Today is treatment day.
Cody is sleeping peacefully while I watch the IVIG solution in the glass bottle slowly drain into his body.
Dr. P and I discussed Cody's post treatment migraines and came up with a game plan.
Extra Toradol at home tonight and again in the morning should do the trick.
My fingers are crossed for that!
He also took extra blood today: strep tests, blood cultures, ect.

Primary hypogammablobulinemia isn't much fun.
But things could be so much worse.
He is really fortunate to have an amazing doctor who listens and treats Cody as a whole.
My heart breaks for patients who do not receive the same support that we do...
Like my amazing friend in Australia who's daughter also suffers from an immune system deficiency.
You can read her blog here.
Her daughter is so sick, and it just doesn't seem fair...

I wish every child had a doctor as wonderful as our doctor.

Paxton can't have all the fun-

2010-03-15T10:44:00.000-05:00

(Here she is, playing with her squeaky sheep)

(Ginger, listening to her mommy)

(Ginger and Paxton romping around)

(ATTACK)

(Can you believe the size difference)

Pug in the Tub.

2010-03-15T10:23:00.000-05:00

Paxton is obsessed with water!

He plays in the sprinkler, bites at the hose while I am watering and even swims in the pool...

but his biggest water obsession has got to be the bathtub!

The begs to get in, anytime there is water in the tub-

and as soon as we get out, he jumps in!!!

A few nights ago, I filled the tub up with bubbles.

I needed to relax a little before bed.

But the entire time I "relaxed" in the tub,

a little pug stood at the tub, whimpering and begging to jump in.

As soon as I got out, I made Chris bring me my camera!

He had never played in a bubble bath before!

Confused!!!

2010-03-07T19:50:00.005-06:00

The kids sat down at the kitchen table to do their homework while Chris and I ran to the grocery store real quick.

The boys always call me when I leave them home so I wasn't surprised when my cell phone begin to chime at me.
The voice on the other end of the line was not that of either boy however!

Lilly: "Hi Mom!"

Me: "Hi Lilly!"

Lilly: "Mom, I am totally confused, can you help me?"

Mom: "Sure Lilly, what's going on babe?"

Lilly: "Well, I am doing this math problem. It says to color in 1/4 of the pizza... but there are 8 pieces, and I am not sure how to do that."

While Chris drove home, I explained to Lilly how to divide the pizza up in half, and then in half again. She colored in her two slices of pizza and said,

"Okay mom, thanks for your help! Bye!"

My sweet-as-sugar six year old totally rocked and made my day with her maturity!

Rabid Pug???

2010-03-07T19:38:00.001-06:00

We were all relaxing upstairs in the game room for a little bit before cleaning up after dinner this evening when we heard a strange sound coming from the kitchen.

The kids were all up with us and the ~~dinner cleaner upper~~ bloodhound was lying on the floor next to us.

Rather puzzled, Chris and I decided that we needed to go investigate!

And THIS is what we found!

A pug who really likes sour cream!

I ♥ Skype!

2010-03-04T20:03:00.002-06:00

My dad is in New Mexico this week.

He is having a blast with Brooklyn, Gavin and Katelyn...

AND SO ARE WE!

Papa took his new laptop and it has a webcam.... YAY for Skype!

We've been chatting with Brooklyn all week.

I love seeing Brooklyn and watching her interact with her cousins!

She likes to tell us what a lion says... and enjoys saying:

"Awesome"

"Hola"

"Hi Lilly"

"Baby"

and many other cute little phrases!

Her cousins are in love with her and their current ability to chat online!

Tomorrow is Papa's last day in New Mexico...

so now we'll have to talk Gavin and Katelyn into getting a webcam!

It's been so over the top here.... If you don't laugh-

2010-03-04T10:26:00.002-06:00

You won't just cry, you'll have an emotional breakdown!

No sugar coating it here....

Things have been rough. I know some people don't want to hear about it and quiet frankly, I don't care...

My blog is about the Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

This is Chris's Facebook status update from the weekend:

Chris Kofoed-

while waiting in the car for my wife in urgent care with bronchitis and a separated rib from coughing, with Lilly who had strep last week and Damian who has a bum knee and is on crutches, Cody who has a fractured elbow decided to throw up everywhere!

Yep... That's right. A whole lot has been going on here! Thank goodness for the ultra fabulous husband who took care of a son with a knee brace and crutches, a daughter with strep throat, a son with a fractured ulna (slipped on bloodhound slobber on the kitchen floor) who puked his guts out while coming down with strep throat and a wife who had bronchitis and was coughing so hard that she fractured a rib and separated her cartilage.

We are hoping that by getting all of this out of the way early in the year, we will be entitled to enjoy the remainder of it healthy! Spring break is around the corner- we aren’t going anywhere! I think we will spend the week at home, enjoying a mostly healed and healthy family!

Movin' On!

2010-03-04T10:01:00.002-06:00

TO THE STATE COMPETITION BABY!

(Their first run of the competition)

All of Coach Chris's dedication and a lot of hard work from the team has paid off!!!

The Battery Buggy teams from Harmony Science Academy-San Antonio, placed 1st and 2nd in their regional competition!

(Damian and Adrian lining up their buggy during the competition)

We are so proud of the Science Olympiad team and are especially proud of Chris, Damian and his teammate, Adrian, who placed FIRST in the Battery Buggy competition!

Harmony Science Academy-San Antonio placed 3rd overall and has earned their place in the state Science Olympiad competition!

(Damian, at home with his buggy and his medal)

(Chris and Damian holding onto Damian's first place medal!)

Dog Days.

2010-03-04T09:24:00.001-06:00

We’d be lost with our puppies!

They are our entertainment, our comfort, our protectors, our friends and our family!

Is that what I think it is???

2010-02-23T16:16:00.003-06:00

Could it be? Are you sure?? REALLY???
We have lived in San Antonio for over five years now and I have never seen a single flake of snow fall from the sky in all those years... Until today that is!
It certainly wasn't a mountain snow storm like back home in New Mexico...

It didn't last long BUT today, for a few brief minutes, we had a sleet and snow mix!

Pretty exciting for the people of South Texas!

Bouldering Adventures....

2010-02-23T16:11:00.001-06:00

... from the game room!

We still aren't done, there's tons to do...

But everyday-

Two little Kofoed's are busy climbing.

And...

monkeying around!

Stretching and swinging.

Gripping and reaching.

Getting stronger and stronger...

Laughing and Thriving.

Lessons.

2010-02-21T11:10:00.000-06:00

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."

George Washington Carver

Saturday Afternoon Pictures....

2010-02-21T10:23:00.001-06:00

from the front yard!

Lilliana wanted her hair done a "certain" way yesterday. She cracks me up, totally growing up and letting me know what she does or does not like!

A picture of her cute little hairdo.

Striking a pose.

Acting like a little diva!

Trying to find shapes in the clouds.

Our super cute little girl!

It was great to see Damian up and around after such a rough couple of weeks. While he still has a ways to go, he is looking more and more like himself every day!

Check out the cast he's been lugging around for the past few weeks.

Excited that the pain is decreasing, could this be the end of the cast???

"X" marks the spot!

Cody was hamming it up for us yesterday, goofing around the front yard and being his typical goofy self!

Way up high in the tree!

"Hey Mom, take a picture of this!"

"Take one of me jumping!"

Texas Stand!

2010-02-21T09:00:00.007-06:00

The kids have been working really hard on their first big group projects in school. We had a few weekends where Cody and Damian both had their friends over to work on them! It was really interesting to watch the kids work together and see their projects come together!

Some of the projects on display in the Lobby of the school.

Cody's is the one in the lower left corner.

Cody and his friend, Mostofa, worked on a project about the Caddo Indians. They made pottery, arrowheads, and a display that included Caddo huts and handmade trees. They even showed videos and listened to music during their presentation! It was really great!

Cody's project on display in the school lobby.

Damian and his friends, Alyssa, Harrison and Adrian, worked on a project about the Texas Coastal Plains. Their project was more challenging as it was difficult to find specific information about the Coastal Plains. After a lot of research and some hard work, their project came together really well!

Damian's project, on display in the school lobby.

Alyssa with their project.

Now it’s onto a huge math project that will include the building of the Roman Colosseum for Damian and his friend, Adrian! This one should be really interesting! I’ll let you know how it goes!

Bookin' it...

2010-02-20T14:49:00.003-06:00

...Out the door!
We’ve been cooped up for the past few days! Damian still isn't up to doing too much so we are heading to the book store! A little nerdy, I know- but we all like reading A LOT and have gone through everything in the house!
It's great to see that all three children reading so much and enjoying themselves! Lilly-bean is soooo cute, she can finally pretty well without help so she reads to us all the time! We just listen to "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" and Hop on Pop". When she reads anything with an exclamation point at the end, the sentence is read really LOUDLY!
Cody has been reading the Harry Potter series and just finished the first Twilight book and Damian is reading the Percy Jackson & the Olympians series although the boys don't have as much time to read casually because now they are reading novels at school which is also so much fun! They always think the books they have to read at school aren't going to be good but in they end they always love them!
Chris and I are just so impressed with them and love to just sit back and take it all in!

Ten Years.

2010-02-19T08:52:00.000-06:00

Happy Anniversary Chris.

I am honored to be your wife.

Thank you for sharing your life with me.

Today, as I do every day, I am celebrating our love.

You me the world to me.

XoXo, Me

I am.

2010-02-19T08:25:00.003-06:00

I am exhausted.

I have not slept well in nearly a month. My mind won’t shut off, I don’t have a break. I rarely sleep and what little sleep I am graced with is done with one eye open. I am haunted in my dreams by a boy, desperately needing his mother’s help and the mother not being able to help him.

I am overwhelmed.

I don’t think that people really understand… what it is like to have a child who has special needs. It’s intense, to say the least. For the past month he’s been fighting a serious infection- few people know about it or even ask how things are going- it’s just everyday life for him. We’ve been fighting with pharmacies to get his medications and keep him from getting a secondary infection. It’s a lot to deal with but normally I do just fine with it… but this hasn’t been a normal month. For the last three weeks, I have watched my healthy son endure excruciating pain, physical exhaustion and now a terrible respiratory infection. It’s difficult enough to watch one child go through struggles but when you have two children, dealing with intense medical issues… its rough.

I am horrible.

At being a mom sometimes. I try to make the right decisions for my children but sometimes I screw up. I felt like scum yesterday when our pediatrician told me that I was pushing Damian too hard through this injury. I was told that my sweet little boy could end up in the hospital because his injured, exhausted body didn’t have enough strength to fight his bronchitis. I know that I was pushing him to get back to school… but he’s been out of school SO much over the past three weeks that I thought by telling him to call me when he needed to come home, I was doing the right thing. I guess it wasn’t though.

I am dumbfounded!

We’ll say “people” just don’t get it. There are some who lose their tempers and get upset over the lamest things! Seriously, I’d give anything to be dealing with their minor issues, yet they feel like it’s the end of the world! Then there are the ~~family~~ “people” who don’t even bother to check on our kids. I could care less how they feel about me or Chris but it sure is sad to see ~~some family~~ “people” who just act like they don’t give a damn about these amazing little souls. Then there are the “people” who are just oblivious to it all!

I am hopeful.

I know that things will get better, that this is just a low point. I know that overall, Cody is doing amazingly well and that his ~~deep seated infection~~ bacterial infection will get better. I know that Damian will recover from his knee injury and in a few days (with the much needed rest) he will recover from his bronchitis.

I am grateful.

Things could be SO much worse! I know that the little issues that we deal with as a family are minute in comparison to sooooo many other issues. I am truly blessed to have my three children. They amaze me every single day. I am their mommy because I was meant to be. Nothing else in the world makes me more proud. Damian, Cody and Lilly are perfect in every way…. They wouldn’t be them if any of this was any other way. I am grateful for the lessons that they teach me every single day.

I am loved.

I am sourrounded by amazing people. Family: my husband, children, father, brother, sister-in-law… they are perfection. I have friends who are more a part of my family than some of our own family. I wake up each morning to smiling faces, hugs and kisses…. LOVE.

I am human.

I am someone who can have a rough moment or two… feel sorry for myself for a little while and then realize that everything will be alright.

Damian and the very sore knee.

2010-02-09T10:15:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a big day for Damian. He went back to school for the first time since his injury. I waited and waited all day for a phone call from him but he totally toughed it out.

When I picked him up from school, he looked terrible! He was beyond exhausted, in tremendous pain and just 100% overwhelmed. He had fallen towards the end of the day, thankfully he had a friend/book carrier/hall helper with him so he wasn’t alone.

When we got out of the car, he could barely make it up the driveway ad into the house… he made it to the couch just before he burst into tears!

We spent the night trying to make him comfortable and get the pain under control and were so grateful when he wrapped his full leg cast around a body pillow and fell asleep.

He is home with me today, taking it easy and resting up. I think that he will be able to return to school tomorrow and just do half days the rest of the week.

His teachers, school administration and classmates are being really good to him; helping him however they can and being very understanding of his situation. If you haven’t heard me mention it before, let me tell you, we absolutely LOVE Harmony! Damian, Cody and Lilly couldn’t be in a better school!

"If I Could Only Fly"

2010-02-06T09:57:00.006-06:00

My sister-in-law’s family is a musical one! Her aunts and her dad are particularily talented! They all sang at sang at Gavin and Katelyn's wedding, which was the first time I had the pleasure of hearing them sing. I love her dad's voice and since we are not often in New Mexico, I don’t have many opportunities to listen to him so I am grateful that Katelyn has started making videos so we can her him from afar!

This morning she posted a video that few words could describe. It profoundly touched me and so I asked her if I could share it on my blog.

This is Jim Shinas and his redition of “If I Could Only Fly” and the video was created in my mom’s memory. Many of the photographs are Katelyn’s from our family trip to “Nana’s Meadow” last summer.

Thank you Katelyn, it’s simply beautiful. I love you.

WANTED: climbing shoes and crash pads!

2010-02-05T23:13:00.002-06:00

Chris is deep into the process of building our climbing wall! It's coming together really well and is going to be sooooo much fun! Cody and Lilly are having a great time helping and are climbing on the partially finished wall every chance they get!

Just a few picture of our wall in progress.

WANTED:

Climbing Holds

Crash Pads

Climbing Shoes for the kids

REI, where are you when we need you???

Damian and the Great Bone Marrow Injury

2010-02-05T22:29:00.002-06:00

Today, after A LOT of effort, we finally learned the extent of Damian’s injury. Thankfully we have found out that all of the soft tissues (ACL, MCL, meniscus, ect.) are fine! This is a huge relief because we didn’t want him to have to deal stability issues until his growth plates fused and he was able to have reconstructive surgery. BIG sigh of relief there!

The bad news is that Damian has a serious bone marrow contusion with edema. This is a compression injury to the bone where the hard boney structure is not injured but the marrow inside is. This is where the blood supply and nerves are located within the bone. It is swelling and there is no place for the pressure to release. These injuries are among the most painful injuries that you can experience and can take a very long to heal (a typical injury lasts 4-6 month and some can take 12-18 months to heal). They are treated as a fracture, because it is a serious injury to the bone. Luckily the boney structure is intact and so he will be able to bare weight when the pain subsides. Hopefully the injury will heal on it’s own and no long term damage will be done to the bone marrow… I could write about what COULD happen but we just aren’t worrying about that right now and are instead thinking positive and hoping that in a week or two the pain will begin to subside.

We may be heading in as soon as tomorrow to have a cast put on his leg… Monday at the very latest. At least we know what he’s facing and we’re ready to get the comfort and healing on the right track!
****UPDATE****
It's 9:15 on Saturday morning and Damian had a terrible night. He's now at the orthopedic surgeon's office, getting his leg casted.

Seriously?

2010-02-03T21:30:00.000-06:00

Seriously? Do you ever wonder how soooooo many things end up on your plate? Why it seems like you get dished the yucky stuff? I totally feel that way sometimes! Seems like one of our kids always has something going on.... we get one "better" and something happens to another one!

I am super happy to report that despite continuing difficulties in obtaining three weeks of Cody’s hard-to-come-by antibiotic, he is kicking his infection’s booty! He is getting his color back and isn’t complaining about severe headaches anymore. It was scary… we were hours away from doing our first spinal to test for meningitis (one of my biggest fears with Cody).

He is behind on reading for the week (don’t tell his English teacher) so tonight he is busy catching up!

Lilly-bean is doing GREAT! She is SO into school that she keeps asking her teacher if she can stay after school! She totally cracks me up! She thinks that she is pretty hot stuff now that she is getting "real" grades in school!

Lilliana is doing great! Healthy, happy and super wrapped up in her little Ginger!

Damian and his friend, Aaron... chillin' while he's on "bedrest".

Poor, poor, POOR Damian!

He injured his knee last Thursday in PE. Seems like we haven’t had a piece of good or positive news yet regarding the severity of the injury. He is in pain and the fear of the unknown is killing him! He had an MRI done yesterday that will hopefully provide more insight into his injury… we’ve got the films here with us and are just waiting on word from the radiologist. I hurt my knee when I was a year older than him and I remember how devastating it was… so I know and understand all to well what he is going through. Poor baby sure doesn’t deserve it. Thank goodness he has some amazing teachers, classmates and friends who are all going out of their way to help Damian through this!

MRI films and the view from Damian's spot on the recliner!

Selfish

2010-01-22T22:12:00.007-06:00

Treatment day.
Cody woke up early this morning, not feeling well-
And got worse and worse through the day.
Luckily Dr. A was there and started Cody on IV antibiotics right away.
By the time we left treatment,
Cody had a raging fever,
A sinus infection- and possibly staph.

Chris came home, grabbed the script and ran it by the store for me-
They told him it would be ready in an hour and a half.
We waited two, just to be sure it would be ready.
Shortly after Chris left for the store, the phone rang.
“Um, we don’t have this antibiotic. And we won’t have it until Sunday, at the earliest.”

Excuse me?

It took you two hours to figure that out?
We called and called around town…
The 7th largest city in our country and we were having a hard time finding the medication…
Chris had to drive across town to find a few days dosage of the antibiotic.

I know that Cody requires special, newer generation, expensive and hard to come by antibiotics-

BUT

My son is sick and he needs his antibiotics- is that too much to ask?

And then.

I cuddled up in bed with my precious little boy,
Who fell asleep in my arms.
And I turned the TV on.
And I watched.
And I cried.
And I realized how selfish I am.
And how petty I am.
And it made me cry some more.

My son received intravenous immune globulin today.
My son received intravenous antibiotics today.
My son received a few days worth of oral antibiotics today (and more is one the way).
He may be sick, but he is getting the care that he needs.
He has a home.
He has parents.
He has food.
He is lying next to me, snuggled up in a comfy bed,
Sleeping- recovering.

He isn’t alone.
He isn’t scared.
He isn’t starving,
Or dehydrated.
He isn’t parentless.
He isn’t homeless.
He isn’t trapped in rubble…
Or suffering from crushing wounds.

I am selfish.
People are hurting,
And they are sick,
Dying,
From lack of care-
Little treatment, poor medical hygiene.
No medications.

People;
Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters and sons...

Dying.

I am selfish.

Hope for Haiti Now,

thank you for putting me in my place tonight.

Rainy day babbling!

2010-01-14T13:40:00.000-06:00

Poor Lilly is home with the tummy flu today. It didn’t last long but she sure didn’t feel very well for a little bit.

She and I spent the morning snuggling on the couch with the three puppies-

Good thing we have a big couch!

Now she is sleeping and I should be cleaning a bit…

But I cannot get motivated today.

It’s dark, wet and gloomy outside so I’d rather keep on snuggling on the couch with my loyal friends!

Chris and I have been having a great time with Damian the past few evenings!

He has been so talkative-

So we’ve been having some deep chats about life.

I love that he is so open with us and shares his emotions so freely.

School is sometimes tough, especially since his so brilliant-

I think that his teachers put a lot of pressure on him, always asking him to join more and more clubs and competitions-

So Chris and I are trying really, really hard NOT to put pressure on him at home.

Instead we’re playing the Wii and having fun together!

Cody has been doing really well! He is dealing with allergies and normal little “bugs” but HIS health has been really stable recently.

Trying NOT to get my hopes up…

BUT our fabulous doctor has told me that sometimes

Their immunes systems will kick in and begin producing IgG and IF that were to happen,

It would likely happen between 10-12 years old.

He’s nine and a half…. Wouldn’t it be amazing?

Even if he his immune system weren’t perfect

BETTER is better than nothing!

Well… I suppose that I should stop cuddling with the dogs, get my socks and shoes on and wake Lilly up so I can get the kids from school. Enough babbling for today.

Help for Haiti.

2010-01-13T09:48:00.006-06:00

I hope that my children understand-

how fortunate we are.

We may be bogged down by medical bills-

and can't always do everything we want to do.

But we are truly blessed

and so fortunate.

We have good schools, wonderful support from friends and family.

Food and shelter.

Safety.

While we may pay a fortune for it: decent health care.

and

If tragedy struck our family or our city,

we would have the ability to seek and obtain help.

It's terrible to see a tragidy like yesterday's earthquake occur anywhere in the world-

but it's especially horrific that it occured in the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.

It is believed that at least 80% of the population live in absolute poverty.

Many of Haiti's citizens have no electricity, clean water or access to social services.

Illness is often times disasterous for the poor, who have no ability to obtain medical care.

The lower class and poor who are lucky enough to be employed, often make less than $2.00 a day.

And it is believed that 50% of Haiti's population live on less than $1.00 a day.

How can these people, who have no fire or rescue services in their country, survive and rebuild after the earthquake that occured yesterday?

Death. Destruction. Devistation.

It makes me positively sick to see those people suffer the way that they are.

I wish I could do more

To help these people.

I wish I had more money to give-

Or the ability to travel there to help.

The Mockingbird

2010-01-12T06:41:00.003-06:00

Three years ago, as the sun rose and night gave way to day- it began to rain.

It was a cold, gloomy, sad rain- the kind that could make you want to cry, even on the best of days.

As the sun rose behind the tragically gray clouds; a mockingbird perched himself on a branch outside the window and began to sing a beautiful, calming song, filled with peace and hope.

Only moments before that peaceful song began, I turned to look into the doorway and saw the sweetest young man standing there. Papa, Daddy, Uncle Gavin and I welcomed him into our circle. He knew what was happening, that the end was upon us yet he showed no fear and gladly held and comforted her only hand as she began to slip away.

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I began to talk- and I never stopped until he began to sing. I told her that it must be beautiful there… so many people she loved and missed, waiting to welcome her Home. I told her how proud I was of her and I told her how much I loved her. I encouraged her to leave. It’s okay, we’re okay.

In the room next door, a little boy and little girl slept peacefully. Did they understand, I wondered. Yes, they did.

Surrounded by peace and encouragement and embraced by more love than anyone could ever know- with a final breath and a peaceful sigh; the kindest, most courageous, honorable, humbling, amazingly perfect soul was freed from the broken shell that had entombed her for so long.

And just then, at that very moment:

As the sun rose behind the tragically gray clouds; a mockingbird perched himself on a branch outside her window and began to sing a beautiful, calming song, filled with peace and hope.

I miss you Mom- so very, very, very much.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2010-01-11T08:03:00.001-06:00

Miss Lilly,

Last Friday you ROCKED the classroom spelling bee and advanced to the school spelling bee (which takes place today).

No matter how you do in the school spelling bee, I will be there to cheer you on- you are MY spelling bee champ!

xo xo xo, Mom

Dear Mountain Cedar.... You Suck!

2010-01-08T09:56:00.004-06:00

I pulled this photo off Google Images.... this is REALLY what the clouds of cedar pollen look like here!

Caring for a sick kiddo today at home.

She has a runny nose, a cough and sneezes.

Her mommy wipes her nose, wraps her in a blanket and snuggles with her in bed.

She measures the Benadryl and give it to her in a little dropper… she doesn’t like it and spits it out in her mommy's face.

She’s tiny- her stuffy nose and funny breathing make her mommy worry.

She is a sweet, little 1lb. 8oz., seven and a half week old pug.

Everyone is suffering from allergies right now. Mountain Cedars, millions of them… are reeking havoc on the people and animals of Southern Texas! Our family (yes, everyone) is complaining of scratchy, sore throats, itchy eyes and congestion….. I have a cough too, thanks to my asthma BUT poor little Ginger is really suffering. The vet said it is because her immune system is immature and because she is so low to the ground…. Sucking in all the pollen that has been tracked into the house and stuck to the blades of grass outside.

Hurry up Mountain Cedar… we are sick of you!

Blogging.

2010-01-08T09:21:00.004-06:00

I get annoyed with blogging sometimes… maybe it is because I don’t fit in, in the blogging world. There isn’t anything wrong with any of the following things…. “they” just are not me.

For me, it is not about drawing a crowd to my blog-

Or participating in fifty other blog sites to compete for “things”-

It isn’t about being someone who I am not (fake sucks).

I don’t do it to be “famous” in the blogging world….

And I don’t do it to make my family appear better than anyone else.

I blog for me.

I blog about my family.

I blog to express my feelings-

To build a collection of memories for my family.

So that one day, we can look back and understand where we were at certain points in our lives.

I do hope that it provides the people who follow my blog, incite into how we live and what we deal with on a day to day basis.

I hope that it helps people understand, a little more, about what Cody goes through and what it does to our family.

My blog IS me. It isn’t someone I am trying to be- someone I don’t know. I am proud of the person that I am… proud of the situations, struggles, hardships that my family and I have overcome.

Who am I? I am mother who had her first child when she was eighteen years old. A woman who became a mother during the lowest point of my life (to that date). A woman who’s son taught her how to live again. A woman who found the love of her life during a time when she worried that she would be a single mom forever.

A woman who hurts each day because of the lack of relationship her family has with her husband’s family. Who understands what each day truly is… and thinks that anger and distance are a waste of time. A woman who is challenged each day to overcome the feelings of emptiness she has when she thinks of her mom… who struggles with understanding why horrible things happen to wonderful people. Who strives to be a better mom to her children, a better wife to her husband, a better daughter to father….. a better person all around.

I am a woman who isn’t perfect and doesn’t try to be. A woman who is always learning, growing, maturing. A woman who wants to be a happier, kinder, more compassionate person.

I wish my mom would have had a place where she wrote from her heart… about her and about us. I would give anything in the world to read through those thoughts and someday… if I should be taken from this earth too soon- I hope that my kids can look back and get a sense of who I was- And I hope that it will allow them to better understand who we were, as a family.

Plain and simple, that’s who I am and that’s what my blog is! It’s perfect and I love it.

Brrrrrrr!

2010-01-07T13:17:00.004-06:00

Oh the weather outside is frightful….

But my family is SO delightful!

And since we’ve no place to go…

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

I WISH!!! Ha ha

While there is a chilly Arctic blast hitting Southern Texas today, there is no moisture and no chance of some beautiful snow flakes falling from the sky.

We’re off and running on the second semester of the school year! Damian is testing for more advanced placement classes and keeps getting invitations for select science and math clubs at school. He’s so busy but enjoys them very much so as long as he keeps his grades up, we’ll continue to let him participate in whatever he wants to! He starts a new science club tomorrow night that meets OVER night each Friday!

Cody is not as enthusiastic about returning to school but is absolutely kicking butt in school, receiving a perfect 4.0 for his first semester grades! He is totally into drawing and when he has free time at school (which isn’t much) he and a few of his friends draw these fabulous pictures! He's feeling pretty good and his health is off to a good start in 2010! Hopefully his IVIG will help his immune system kick butt this year too!

Lilliana is finally feeling good and happy to be back to school after coming down with pneumonia before winter break! She’s excited to be a “practicing second grader” and is always coming home with the funniest stories! Yesterday, her hand was just “killing” her because she had to do SO much writing at school!

Chris and I are having Wii withdrawals… unfortunately, we completely rocked the New Super Mario Brother’s game- staying up late and playing it for two, three, sometimes even four hours a night. We beat the entire game and are now lost, not knowing what to do with ourselves! Ha ha ha!

We are all LOVING our new little girl, Ginger. She is super cute and is developing a fun, sweet, rambunctious personality! Pugs are the greatest!

Speaking of that pug…. She is whining and begging for some lunch! Off I go to feed the baby!

2010

2010-01-04T10:21:00.006-06:00

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happy New Year!

I hope that 2010 brings everyone much love, happiness, peace and success!

We all deserve it.

What brings those things to me may not be the same for you.

but

We all deserve it and we should all respect what brings those things to one another.

For me, it is a year of resolutions that I hope to hold true…

- To let go of things that are out of my control.

- To respect myself for the decisions that I have made and will continue to make.

- To strive to be a better mother, wife and daughter.

- To try to do more with my photographs.

- To do more volunteer work.

- To get into shape and take care of myself.

- To travel, camp, fish and enjoy the outdoors more.

- To learn to be happy when I think about my mom, instead of sad when I think of her.

- To let go of the harsh feelings that I have for people who lack kindness and concern for Cody and think their situations are always more important.

- To be a happier, kinder, more thoughtful person.

A Bird Family Christmas!!!

2009-12-28T10:48:00.005-06:00

It was so nice to have our family together this Christmas. Gavin, Katelyn, Brooklyn, Papa, Chris, Damian, Cody, Lilliana and I all enjoyed being together and sharing Nana's favorite holiday! This was the first Christmas, since her passing, that we were all together and I think that it was the best gift we could have given her.

Our tree, with lots of goodies waiting to be opened!

My sweet little Brooklyn- isn't she oober cute!

Santa brought Lilly a little girl pug, just like she asked for!

Brooklyn, opening her bilingual baby!

All of Nana and Papa's grandkids on Christmas morning!

Opening gifts!

What a cool chick!

Lilliana, enjoying her gift from Santa!

Cody, checking out his cool new RC helicopter!

Damian got a netbook, he didn't ask for it because he didn't think we'd get him one so he was totally STOKED when he opened this one!

Paxton, checking out his new sister!

Our new baby!

Chris took me outside on Christmas afternoon. He wanted me to see that my mom was with us! Nana was indeed there! A beautiful mockingbird, sat on a lower branch of the tree next to our driveway. I had a nice talk with her as she cocked her head and listened. I am so blessed to have a husband who knows what I need and helped me have a private moment, remembering my mom!

Christmas Eve...

2009-12-24T15:31:00.006-06:00

At Sea World

Damian, Cody, Lilliana, Brooklyn and Santa

Katelyn, Gavin and Brooklyn at Sea Lion Stadium

Cody!!!

He said that he didn't feel as smooth as he looks.

Cody, having an awesome day at Sea World.

Okay, seriously... how much more lucky can one boy be? At the Shamu show he got asked down to dance with Shamu!

And Lilly got to sing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and was on the Shamu Stadium big screen.

What a fun morning we had! It was super windy and chilly but we managed to have a great time!

YIKES!!!

2009-12-16T09:04:00.003-06:00

NINE Days until Christmas?!?!? OH NO!

I am WAY behind this year.

I don’t know why I always wait until the last minute….

To finish my shopping.

I have vowed to purchase one gift a month for each of my kids- beginning in January.

Then next year, they’ll be guaranteed to get 12 gifts from their parents! Ha ha ha

Starting at 12 days ‘til Christmas-

My kids (well Lilly) insisted on singing the “12 Days of Christmas” each day.

And each day she sings one less day: now we are on 9 days.

So for today, this is MY version:

One the 9^th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

9 rooms needing cleaning

8 days of gift buying

7 loads of laundry

6 people to cook dinner for

5 gray hairs to dye

4 days ‘til family comes

3 toilet bowls to scrub

2 more days of school.

And really sick little girl.

(who still has a fever and a terrible cough)

So…. I am off to clean, clean, clean and keep Lilly bean happy until we see the doctor AGAIN this afternoon.

"I saw Nana"

2009-12-03T08:56:00.003-06:00

I know that some people don't believe in afterlife. I know that some people don't believe in spirits, and that is fine. However, in our home, it's one thing that keeps us going.

I have some wonderful stories over the past three years... stories about my mom and her visits to our home.

The time, 11:11 has always been a "special" time between my mom and I. If we saw 11:11 on a clock, we would stop and make a wish. I have never wished at 11:11 since she passed, instead I just reconnect with her when I see that time. Sometimes I even feel like she is right there, like I could almost touch her.

Just last week, I was sitting on my bed... something fell off my nightstand somehow, couldn't see anything on the floor though- then I looked over at the nightstand again, it was 11:11. I had to chuckle a little and know that Nana just wanted me to know that she was there.

Last night we were sitting in the living room, eating dinner (bad, I know). We were watching TV, chatting about our days and taking care of Cody, who hasn't been feeling well. Out of no where, Lilly got super excited and said,

"Mommy, I just saw Nana!"

I asked her where she saw her and she told me that she walked through the kitchen, into the dining room and disappeared.

Ghosts and spirits used to scare me. Now I take comfort in knowing that my mom still comes around. She's still here... she'll always be with us. I know that I can talk to her and she'll hear me. I know that I can cry with her and she'll be here comforting me. I miss seeing her, touching her, hearing her beautiful voice...

But I am comforted in knowing that she is always here.

Oh Christmas Tree.

2009-12-03T08:51:00.004-06:00

Our home looks so pretty this year.!

Our Christmas Tree. I love it!

The front yard, looking very festive!

Bittersweet

2009-12-03T08:28:00.003-06:00

Christmas has certainly been bittersweet for me over the past few years. Just hard to believe that so much has happened, so much has changed. I feel a little alone this time of year, not because I really am, but because a huge part of me is missing and it hurts extra this time of year.

This is my third holiday season without my mom, my THIRD. How can that be?

I remember so vividly, like it was yesterday in fact, our shopping trip to buy new decorations for my parents house at the lake. I remember, like it was yesterday, my kids baking cookies with their Nana. I remember, like it was yesterday, wanting to never leave her side... crying each day when I went home and feeling like a was jipping myself out of time with her. I remember, like it was yesterday; a weak, fragile, lovely, beautiful Nana insisting on walking up the stairs to see the kids' bedrooms one more time on Christmas morning. I remember, like it was yesterday, that our time together was drawing to an end, but I didn't expect to only have only a few weeks left with my mom.

Our time together, those couple of months, meant more to me than any of the other moments I had ever spent with that precious woman. I was never more proud or honored to be her daughter.

Bittersweet.

Our first Christmas without my mom was set to be a joyous season! Gavin and Katelyn were getting married and we knew that a baby girl, Brooklyn Cheryle, would soon be here. The only thing that could have made it better, would have been if my mom could have been there with us.

Bittersweet.

We were in New Mexico, preparing for the wedding, only days away. Shortly after visiting Chris's dad at the nursing home one day, Arch passed away. While he had suffered a heart attack days earlier, his passing was a complete shock as Chris and I had spent several hours visiting with Arch, laughing and telling beautiful stories- it was the best visit I had ever had with Arch.

Bittersweet.

Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. I hope that someday, it can be that way again.

Otters and Sea Lions and Walruses Oh My!

2009-12-01T13:40:00.006-06:00

Just a few pictures from our most recent Sea World Adventure.

The Craziness of Thanksgiving Break!

2009-12-01T08:47:00.010-06:00

Last week was a crazy whirl wind of ups and downs at our house!

The kids were on Thanksgiving holiday for the whole week so we enjoyed our time together!

Monday was Cody’s treatment day. He’s been having some chest and abdominal pain and after a thorough check up, his doctor believes that the pain is due to gall bladder issues. Totally not what we were expecting and we are honestly very discouraged about this news. Cody does not deserve to have another thing go wrong with his poor little body.

My cousin, Jennifer, took this picture of the kids while we were at Sea World!
Connor, Damian, Cody, Lilly & Carlie.

We had a great afternoon though! We (even Cody with his IV and backpack full of fluids and the pump) spent the afternoon at Sea World with my cousin and her family! The weather was perfect, the park was quiet and we had a wonderful visit! After Sea World we went out to dinner with them- the kids had a blast and Chris and I really enjoyed spending time with them too! It was great fun!

Random, I know- BUT this is my favorite picture of Lilly from her school play!

Tuesday morning began with a painful scream, the kind that makes a mommy’s heart sink. Maggie and Paxton (the bloodhound and the pug) were chasing each other through the house and ran right through Cody’s IV line, yanking his needle out of his port, tearing the skin and pulling hard on the port. It was horrible. He was in so much pain, could barely move and was extremely traumatized. To make matters worse, I had to flush the port with saline and heparin in the afternoon to prevent it from clotting, which meant poking him TWO more times. Cody and I have been through A LOT together over the past nine years but that was, by far, the most traumatizing, stressful, painful (mentally and physically) experience we have ever had. All I can say is: Thank God for my dad, he arrived home from New Mexico in time to help me with the port flushing… couldn’t have gotten through that experience without him.

A pretty little buck in my dad's backyard!

Wednesday Damian turned TWELVE years old! I just cannot believe it! He is so grown up, so mature, so kind and thoughtful. He is simply amazing and I just feel so honored to be his mom! We spent the day at Papa’s house, opening presents, feeding the deer and enjoying being out of the city! What began as a great birthday, family-fun evening at the movies, (A Christmas Carol) quickly turned into thoughts of a trip to the hospital for Cody who had severe abdominal pain. Thankfully we were able to calm the pain down and we avoided spending Thanksgiving in the hospital- minus a gall bladder.

Another buck in my dad's backyard. They are starting to get a little feisty!

Had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! We had a nice morning and drooled over the turkey, roasting in the oven! We ate our meal around the table that my mom had purchased specifically for big family meals like this one. We gave many thanks for our blessings and took time to remember the nana, wife and mother who we all missed so much. In the afternoon, Chris took me for a drive along the famous River Road to see the trees. We were a week or too late but there were plenty of beautiful fall colors still!

Along River Road.

Pretty fall colors along the river.

Along River Road.

This is my favorite!

Friday we headed home and spent the rest of the weekend shifting gears… Goodbye Fall- Hello Winter! The tree is up, the house is decorated and everything looks beautiful!
We headed over to Sea World one more time before the kids went back to school this week!

Merry Christmas! Love, Shamu and the kids!

Sea World.

Sea World Christmas Tree.

I'm a Little Scarecrow...

2009-12-01T08:36:00.004-06:00

Lilliana preformed in her first school play, just before the Thanksgiving break! She was so cute and had a wonderful time!

On Stage!

Posing like a scarecrow!

Seriously, the CUTEST scarecrow I have EVER seen!

French Toast and Bacon-YUM!

2009-11-16T09:49:00.006-06:00

The best egg crackin', french toast dipping', bacon stealin' little chef!

This past Saturday was Grandpa Kofoed’s birthday. It’s been nearly two years since he passed away… and while we miss him, we are keeping his memory alive by telling his funny jokes and some of his wonderful old stories, including some from his time in the Army at Fort Sam Houston, right here in San Antonio. I miss his infectious laugh and the way he worked hard to keep everyone in touch!

In honor of Grandpa Kofoed, we fixed a big ol’ breakfast and remembered the kids' kind, funny, wonderful grandpa! I know that he would have LOVED his little granddaughter- the chef, helping him in the kitchen!

Tis the Season to be THANKFUL.

2009-11-13T10:36:00.020-06:00

Can you think of 100 things to be thankful for? I know I can!

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. Each and every day I am given on this Earth.

2. For having the closest family ever!

3. For Chris, who is the most amazing man! I couldn’t ask for a better husband and father- he is simply wonderful!

4. Damian, the best gift I have ever received! He is the smartest, sweetest, most thoughtful and spiritual young man!

5. Cody, the most courageous, happy, carefree, active, fearless, brilliant little dude!

6. Lilliana, who completed our family perfectly! She’s the light of my life- beautiful, sweet and sooo super cute!

7. My dad, who is simply the greatest man I have ever known- just a truly exceptional human being.

8. My brother, who is honestly one of my best friends in the world. We have been through a lot together and it’s only made us better, kinder, more understanding people!

9. My sister-in-law, Katelyn, who has been one of my greatest life long friends…

10. My beautiful niece, who came to our family like Damian did… just when we needed them the most!

11. My mom, who I am so lucky to have known for 27 years. My hero, my best friend, my mentor, my inspiration.

12. My extended family, who I wish I could spend more time with and have a closer relationship with because I miss my aunts, uncles and cousins a lot!

13. My husband’s family… I love them all and wish we were closer. They have blessed me with my husband and are a reminder of how truly fortunate I am each day.

14. For my friends.

15. Especially for Gina, who has been the truest, kindest, most understanding friend.

16. For matches on birthday cakes.

17. And friends who sadly understand the feelings of losing a parent.

18. For friends and neighbors who have become more like family!

19. For reconnecting with old friends.

20. For living in the United States of America.

21. For my freedom of speech.

22. For my ability and strength to voice my own opinions and choices, even when so many others disagree.

23. For our President.

24. For healthcare reform bills.

25. For the insurance we do have.

26. For doctors who help to keep my sweet Cody, healthy and alive!

27. For people who donate blood.

28. And plasma too.

29. For medical researchers.

30. For nurses who care.

31. For people who try to understand what Cody goes through each day.

32. For the doctors who cared for my mom and provided her with a decade that we didn’t think she had.

33. For my brother and sister-in-law who are amazing parents and who will be adopting a child (or children) from the foster care system soon, giving them a new chance at a wonderful life.

34. For being an aunt.

35. For my exceptionally smart children.

36. For the kids’ new school!

37. For the amazing teachers who are providing my children with an education that they would not be receiving in a traditional public school.

38. For cultural diversity.

39. For the beauty of Mother Nature.

40. For the sun.

41. The wind.

42. Snow.

43. For flowers.

44. Butterflies.

45. Birds.

46. For mountains.

47. Streams.

48. For the smell of a rainstorm.

49. The sound of thunder…

50. Of waves crashing on the beach.

51. Wildlife.

52. Four Seasons.

53. Meadows.

54. For cloud-free nights and star gazing.

55. For shooting stars.

56. And wishes too.

57. For long hikes.

58. For tents and camping.

59. For family adventures.

60. Creating lifelong memories.

61. For Chris’s job, he loves what he does!

62. For the government, continuing to fund space research projects.

63. For being able to stay at home.

64. For the ability to be here when my kids get home from school.

65. And for our home.

66. For the fact that we never go hungry.

67. For children who are not materialistic.

68. Who understand that medical bills come before video games and “stuff.”

69. For being able to adapt to situations out of our control.

70. For life experiences that make me stronger.

71. For the health of my family.

72. And the understanding that things could always be worse.

73. For my ability to keep my mouth shut and not tell people when they are being idiots! (I didn’t always have this ability so I am particularly thankful for this one)

74. For being loved.

75. For forgiveness.

76. For hope.

77. For tomorrow.

78. For living in the moment.

79. 11:11

80. For Madeline.

81. Tea Parties.

82. For my camera.

83. For pictures.

84. For creativity.

85. For birthdays.

86. For Christmas.

87. For Thanksgiving.

88. For the soldiers who provide our country with its security and protect our freedom.

89. For my cheerleader who is currently chanting “We’ve got spirit, yes we do! We’ve got spirit, how ‘bout you?”

90. For Jeeps… I don’t like them but they sure are special to my husband so I am thankful for that!

91. For good movies.

92. Board games and video games too.

93. For rock climbing walls…

94. And everything that we do during family time.

95. The computer, internet, and facebook…

96. And for being connected to family and friends.

97. For sweet little kid stories.

98. For bedtime.

99. For dreams.

100. For each experience that has brought me to today, as I wouldn’t be me without them.

Up!

2009-11-08T20:27:00.002-06:00

My kids were insistent that we not see A Christmas Carol until Papa was with us… and of course we agreed, since that is one of Papa’s favorite Christmas stories. Instead, we were talked into seeing a movie that will be on video in just a few days BUT since it’s always more fun to see a movie at the theater, we went to the dollar theater to see Up.

I cannot even begin to tell what a profound impact that movie had on Damian and I. Watching the scenes of the movie were like watching moments from my mom and dad’s life. I sobbed (and sobbed) as I pictured my parents as children; talking about their goals, their dreams… so in love. Of course it was only a cartoon: there were thousands of balloons, carrying Carl and Ellie’s home to South America, there were talking dogs, wild birds and an annoying little scout-boy… but each new scene seemed to parallel my parents emotions. Poor Carl was so devoted to his sweet, sweet Ellie… he spoke to her like she was right there with him, even after she was gone. He was lost with without her- Carl wanted, so badly, to carry out Ellie’s dreams and he sure did try.

In the end, Carl learned that Ellie had been happy and content all along when he came across a message from Ellie, telling him to begin new adventures of his own. The lonely, lost old man found a new beginning, his own adventures and joy… a happy ending.

I hope that someday my dad can see how immensely happy my mom was. She lived a wonderful, good life and I know that she would hope and wish that my dad would be able to find happiness, joy and new adventures once again.

Freaky ghouls and monsters too!

2009-11-08T19:52:00.003-06:00

October 31 is always one of our favorite days of the year! Besides it being Halloween, it's also Chris' birthday! This year he celebrated his 36th! He is such an amazing father and husband and we always try to make sure that he knows it! We are such a close family and I just feel SO blessed to have my wonderful man!

Lilly made cupcakes for her daddy! The bat pumpkin is Lilly's, Ozzy is Cody's and Damian free handed/carved Jason!

My Oh So Scary vampire and 36 year old zombie!

Damian was on a school camping trip but we couldn't have Halloween without him so here he is in pictures with the other two! (A stuffed animal in Damian's costume stood in for our missing boy!)

It's hard to do your own make-up like that but it turned out okay!

Our school ROCKS!!!

2009-11-08T09:43:00.006-06:00

My kids LOVE their new school! They have so many new, wonderful opportunities there!

Lilliana is flourishing in first grade; learning how to read better and better each day, adding and subtracting, making new friends and attending science club and pep squad after school! She recently went on her first field trip of the year and had a blast! She went to a pumpkin patch; painted a pumpkin, went on a hay ride, fed some farm animals and had a blast playing with her friends!

She loved the sack races and it was so cute to watch!

Waiting in line, with her classmates, for the hay ride.

Damian has had a HUGE year! He's taking honors classes and ROCKIN' the 6th grade! He is totally in the right environment for him to take off and it is amazing to see him enjoying his education so much! In addition to his honors classes, he is in Math League and Science Olympiad which are just amazing programs for my smarty pants! He is also enjoying chess club and Nerf club! He went to his very first middle school dance recently and really had a great time! He said that they danced and danced and man was he tired when he came home! The next day he left for a camping trip with his Science Olympiad team! He missed out on Halloween with us (we really missed him bunches) but he didn't miss, missing us and had the time of his life!

Damian, heading out the door for his first dance!

Cody is just an amazing student! His teachers are always commenting to us on how brilliant he is! He maintains straight A's, even though he misses school do to his primary hypogammablogulinemia. He also loves school, enjoys switching classes each period and going to his after school clubs- robotics and ping pong club! He is also taking Turkish class- L.O.V.E.S his teacher and is enjoying all the opportunities that he is provided with at his new school. He was suppose to attend a Turkish Festival in Houston over the weekend but was unable to do to a respiratory infection that he has been fighting... we have promised an excellent time at next years event!

A different perspective...

2009-11-07T21:51:00.006-06:00

Sometimes you just need to look at things from a different point of view...

I've been to the Alamo many times over the past five years and while I have always found it to be a bit of a dissapointment (Not the history of it- the actual building- in my mind, I really thought it would be more....grand? than it is) this time I looked at things from a different point of view.

It's absolutely beautiful.

The cracks tell a story, a history of faith, religion, cultural diversity, violence- a final stand.

Strength. Courage.

Beauty.

Sacrifices.

Hallowed Ground.

A reminder to never give in, to fight for what you believe in.

It's great to see things from a different perspective.

King Williams District

2009-11-02T11:27:00.019-06:00

My good friend, Cheryl, and I took advantage of a free day to get out of our houses... It didn't feel much like fall much fall but we sure did enjoy being out!

The Pioneer Flour Company, Gunther House and the San Antonio River

We headed to an area of town known as the King Williams District. The area, near downtown San Antonio, was settled by wealthy German merchants in the late 1800's. It's such a beautiful area with old, historic homes that have been well maintained! As you walk the street of the King Williams District, you feel as if you've stepped back in time. The King William's District was the first designated Historic District in Texas.

Howl-O-Scream!

2009-10-18T10:30:00.006-05:00

Tired of being stuck in the house... I felt that everyone was finally well enough to go to Sea World's Howl-O-Scream last night! We had a BLAST!

If you have never been, it is my favorite time to go to Sea World and HIGHLY recommend visiting in the fall! The weather was perfect, the atmosphere is extra fun and energetic and the decorations ROCK!

Aren't the fishkins SO cute?!?

Cody with a werewolf.

What a brave dude! He rode the Steele Eel and had SO much fun!

Climbing through a tunnel on their playscape.

Had a great time at the Shamu Show! We are HUGE Shamu fans!

Daddy and Lilly (aka the fraidy-cat) looking at a werewolf.

Handsome Damian, in line for the spooky stuff!

Isn't he the cutest!?!

Creepy!

A break from the fever...

2009-10-12T20:45:00.002-05:00

Lilly had a break in her fever today! I thought maybe she was breaking free from this nasty flu; unfortunately it appears that it was just a temporary thing... her darn fever is back and she's coughing up a storm again this evening!

Lilly had to show off her beautiful top that Aunt Katelyn made for her! She is sooo proud of it and took advantage of her little fever break by running around the front yard for a minutes!

Swine Flu and Mushrooms too!

2009-10-10T18:59:00.007-05:00

Hacking and Coughing and Fevers OH MY!

We’ve had the flu… totally nasty but we’re getting through it! Lilly and I are home alone- recovering from the flu while the boys are getting all spooked out at Sea World's Howl-O-Scream! I hope that they have a G-R-E-A-T time! In the meantime, the girls are watching chick (or girl) flicks!

While I have been cooped up in the house, it’s been raining… and with the rain comes fungus! I was happy to see a patch of mushrooms growing in my backyard! They are sooo pretty and I had to get out of the house long enough to use my camera!

Walking on the beach with Nana.

2009-09-30T15:09:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning Chris went upstairs to wake Damian up. When he did, Damian woke up crying and screaming at Chris… “No, I am not supposed to be here, I was dreaming and Nana was with me. Why did you wake me up?”

He was devastated. He wanted to back to that brief moment of time when he and his Nana were together again.

After he explained his dream to me, he asked me if I thought there was any way that she really visited him last night… I told him that I absolutely thought his Nana was with him, there was no other explanation for it.

Damian explained that he and Nana were on the beach; surrounded by tall trees- a lush forest, huge rocks on which the waves crashed, the sun was setting and the sky looked like one of her water color paintings, it was private- no one else around. (To me, Damian is describing one of mom’s favorite places, Indian Beach on the Oregon coast-a place he has never been.)

He said that she was so beautiful. She was wearing a lovely pink blouse with little red flowers on it. She had her arm again and both of her wrists had many beautiful bracelets on them, including a yellow LiveStrong bracelet.

As they walked along the beach, holding hands, the two of them had a wonderful conversation (most of which I am choosing not share). She told him that she is so proud of him; she told him that no matter what happens in his life, he needs to remember that he always has his family to count on and she told him to make sure that he always finds happiness in life.

“Mom, do you think she’ll visit me again?”

“I am sure she will honey, but please don’t expect it to be tonight or tomorrow or next month, maybe even not this year. It took Nana a long time to come to you in a dream, it may be a while before she can do it again.”

Of all the members of our family, it is so fitting that Nana chose to visit Damian. She and him were best buddies and shared the most precious of relationships. On the morning that she passed, I was not going to wake the kids- my dad, brother, Chris and I were surrounding her, touching her and softly speaking to her, encouraging her while her time in her present life came to an end. As the sun began to rise, I turned to the doorway of her room to find my sweetest little boy standing there. Damian, without an ounce of fear, came to the bed and held his Nana’s only hand as she left this world for the next.

Of course they would share that special bond beyond this world.

I have wished every single day since her passing that I would have a dream like that… I never have. I must admit that I am jealous and sad and happy all at the same time but most of all, I am so grateful that my mom was able to let us know that she is okay, that she is happy and that she is always here with us and I am honored that she came to visit her special grandson in his dreams.

injured kids, sick kids... healing kids!

2009-09-30T13:34:00.001-05:00

It has been a crazy few weeks around here! Thank goodness we are use to the craziness and are handling each bump in the road!

Cody had a set-back over the weekend with extreme dizziness, nausea, vomiting and a terrible headache. It was a little scary! We talked with the doctor and did a combination of things- we took him off his pain medication (poor baby) and had him lie flat on his back for about 36 hours. We are not sure if it was a reaction to the pain medication or leakage of spinal fluid from his epidural site but something helped! Yesterday he had such a great day that he was walking up and down the stairs, bending his knee to a 90 degree angle… he even played Wii Sports! I am so proud of him- he is doing amazing!

Lilliana has a crazy, freaky thing going on right now. She started with a bad earache on Sunday and it has only gotten worse each day. She saw her pediatrician yesterday… her ear drum looked okay, not great-but not terrible- her ear canal was red but none of that concerned her. What really bothered her was that she could not touch Lilly’s ear without her crying in pain. It turns out that she thinks that Lilly has a bone infection in a bone called the mastoid, the little bone directly behind your ear. The infection is called acute mastoiditis and it is a serious infection with very serious complications (including necrosis of the bone, deafness and meningitis). Most of the time, this infection requires a hospital stay with IV antibiotics. We are trying a course of high dose antibiotics and are hoping that it will knock down the infection so we can stay away from the hospital. We’re keeping our fingers crossed for her! Thankfully she also seems to be doing a little better this afternoon!

Thank goodness Damian is doing AWESOME! He is healthy and happy and enjoying school! I am going to share a wonderful story about him in my next entry!

Top Ten...

2009-09-25T02:06:00.011-05:00

Seriously, a lot of great things happen at hospitals! They help bring life into the world; they heal the injured and cure the sick…. I have so much respect for hospitals and their staff (most of the time)… it’s just nights like THIS, that I am reminded why I don’t like to be in them.

Top Ten (or 11) Reasons that I Dislike Hospitals….

#10- Many of the people in the waiting rooms are rude, selfish and disrespectful.

#9- Hospitals are dirty, nasty breading grounds for super bugs… I can close my eyes and picture staph germs and H1N1 crawling all over Cody and I….. ICK!

#8- They are grossly over crowded and understaffed. It’s awful to see the nurses running like crazy and forgetting to bring medications to patients because they are spread so thin.

#7- They bring TACOS to a nine year old who just got out of surgery! What the heck is the deal there? That is just wrong in so many ways. In case you are wondering… he didn’t even look at his tray.

#6- Being treated like I know nothing about my child and his medical issues when I have been the primary care giver of a medically fragile child for nine years!

#5- Did I mention that the food sucks?

#4- Taking vitals on a little boy who JUST fell asleep…not cool. Seriously, when you have someone who is in pain and is struggling to settle down, it sucks to see them FINALLY drift off to sleep only to be woken up...being poked and prodded.

#3- The bathrooms are just plain nasty….being the germ freak that I am, I nearly fainted onto the nasty floor when I went to wash my hands and there was NO soap! (thank goodness there is hand sanitizer everywhere... plus I brought two of my own bottles!)

#2- The “On a scale from 1-10, how much pain are you in?” OR “Can you point to the ‘face’ describes your pain level?" Seriously, can you not LOOK at my kids face and see what expression he is making corresponds best with the damn pictures???

and the #1 reason I dislike hospitals (at least for the time being!)....

Finally falling asleep at 1:00 in the morning, only to have the nurses wake you up at 1:15 to tell you that they have a new patient coming in and WE have to switch rooms!

AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT HAD GOTTEN BAD ENOUGH....

at 2:55 Cody's epidural pump starts beeping (empty container). They are all freakin out because they cannot figure out how to get it to stop beeping. It is not empty but whoever programmed it put 100 cc into the program instead of what it needed to be programmed for (250). These nurses are standing around for 20 minutes, trying to figure it out and I am getting pissed... because not only are Cody and I wide awake but now the poor little boy who we moved in with in the middle of the night is now awake, as are both of his parents. (seriously, they couldn't even get the beeping to stop)

So finally I get mad and say... "This is the same IV pump that Cody uses for IVIG. I am tired of listening to it beep and I am tired of waiting for you to come up with an answer.... we are going to trick it into thinking that we switched containers. I pressed "stop" then "new container" then "start" and it was good as new in 10 seconds. GRRRRRRRRRRR! They were mad at me because I messed up their numbers but I seriously didn't give a hoot at that point!

It's 5:30... I am so tired. I can hardly wait to get out of here and back to the house so Cody and I can take a nap in my nice, comfy bed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Not my best week...

2009-09-22T09:05:00.006-05:00

Cody will be having surgery on Thursday. He has medial plica syndrome and RSD in his left knee. The injury is total déjà vu as it was almost exactly a year ago that the exact same injury occurred to Cody’s right knee.

Because children his age rarely have issues like this (so rare in young children that Cody’s was the youngest patient with medial plica syndrome that his pediatric orthopedic surgeon had ever seen) it took them three months to diagnose last year. It was the worst three months that I have ever experienced as a parent and I was not going to stop until I found and answer. SO, after three months of tests, steriod injections, searching and fighting and emailing every orthopedic surgeon in the country (maybe not every ortho…. But you would be surprised by the amount of people I reached out to) our very kind pediatric orthopedic surgeon agreed to do surgery on Cody’s knee; to remove the plica, clean out the scar tissue and have a nerve block and epidural left in over night to calm the nerves. After several weeks of recovery, Cody spent the past 8 months feeling great!

Fast forward to last Monday. Cody was simply walking across his bedroom floor when he collapsed in pain… Chris and I immediately knew what had happened. It was heartbreaking and completely devastating to know that he was in the same pain all over again. He can barely walk due to the intensity and it hurts tremendously, no matter what he is doing (whether he is lying on the couch or walking down the hallway at school).
Thankfully, saw his doctor a week ago and he agreed that the best option was to bypass the conservative treatment options and head straight to the OR. Cody will be having surgery on Thursday. While we do not want Cody to undergo another surgery (his 7th in nine years), we feel that it is the only option. He will be spending some time in the hospital so please pray that he does not pick up any infections while he is there. He doesn’t have IVIG until NEXT Friday so we still have about two weeks to go.

So, I am stressed out enough about the upcoming surgery… it’s a lot to worry about, especially with his immune deficiency.

On top of that…

We got terrible, heart wrenching news on Sunday afternoon. We have been asked not to say much until our family knows more details, but we lost a nephew on Saturday. We have had a difficult time since Chris received the phone call. Tragic is the only way to describe it.
It seems like Chris and I have been faced with too much death over the past few years. It began with my grandpa, then my beloved mother, my father-in-law, and two nephews.

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. Today is my mom’s birthday. Today should have been her 57th birthday. I wish that I was antique shopping with her… I wish I was taking her to the mall or out to lunch… I wish I could wrap arms around her and tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me. I miss her more than any words could ever begin to express.
I deserve a day, once in a while… when I just want to stay in bed- and feel sorry for myself.
Next week will be better.

One crazy week!

2009-09-08T08:08:00.006-05:00

Last Sunday:
-Clipped Paxton's nails and cut his quick... which led to to a pretty nasty bleed, which led to a Sunday visit to the vet & a HUGE bandage.
-Chris left for a class in Houston.
-Cody and Damian were housing a little too much, which led to Cody receiving a concussion.
Monday:
-Had Cody home, monitoring his concussion.
Tuesday:
-Cody developed another bad sinus infection, which led to a high fever and more antibiotics.
Wednesday:
-Cody stayed home, allowing time for the antibiotics to kick in and his fever to break.
Thursday:
-Cody was able to go back to school.. but Damian had to stay home because he developed an upper respiratory infection and terrible fever. In the evening, I started Cody's IV... about 30 minutes later- he stepped on his IV line, snapping it in two and pulling hard on his port so we had to remove the line for the night.
Friday:
-Damian stayed home again, with his high fever and terrible cough. Cody and I spent the day at Dr. P's, getting IVIG. After a long day at the hospital, Cody and I picked Lilly up from school and I came home to help take care of Damian... later that night we left for the airport (with a sick kid, a tired kid and a kid with an IV) to pick Chris up. Waited and waited and waited for a very late airplane with three kids who missed their daddy all week.

Thank goodness last week is over! I don't miss it, that's for sure! Thank goodness for my dad! He is such a treasure, I may not have been able to maintain my sanity if it were not for him! Of course, we made it through the week just fine and were happy to have Chris home. We spent the weekend relaxing, which was a nice change of pace. I helped create an online portfolio for Chris... have never done anything like that before! There are lots of improvements to be made to it still but I think it turned out great for never having done anything like that before.

Now it's onto this week, which I am certain will be better than the last one!

First day of SCHOOL!

2009-08-24T08:53:00.009-05:00

Well...

I am officially the mother of a 6th grader, a 4th grader and a 1st grader... and it makes me want to cry! I cannot believe it. I remember, like it was yesterday, bringing my baby (Lilliana) home from the hospital the night BEFORE I took took Damian to his first day of kindergarten! All three of the kids were SO tiny and I balled my eyes out. Now, they look SO grown up!!! I wish that time didn't pass by so quickly... but I am SO proud of them for being such responsible, kind, good, SMART kids!

Here are a few pictures from their first morning!

Navy Retirement

2009-08-23T17:50:00.004-05:00

We attended the retirement ceremony of our friend & neighbor, Jason, this past Friday. He has served in the Navy for 21 years! I admire him and his family so much for all of the sacrifices that they have made for the safety and well-being of our country.